Miss Mary Is Scary! Read Free

the song called?” asked Emily.
    â€œIt’s called ‘I Love Dirt,’” Zack replied.
    What?! Who writes songs about dirt?
    Zack climbed out the window and left.
    People from England are weird.

5
Learning More About England
    The next morning Halloween decorations were up in the hallways. I came into class and hung my coat in the cloakroom. Miss Mary was sitting in the back of the class.
    We usually have Word of the Day first thing in the morning, but Mr. Granite saidwe would skip it so we could do the math lesson we missed the day before.
    â€œOpen your math books to page twenty-three,” Mr. Granite told us. But suddenly he stopped, looked at Miss Mary, and asked, “What are you doing?”
    We all looked at Miss Mary. She was holding her cell phone.
    â€œI’m texting Zack,” she said. “He just told me ‘I Love Dirt’ is going to be the best song he ever wrote. And he’s dedicating it to me ! I can’t wait to hear it.”
    â€œThat’s so romantic!” said Andrea.
    â€œTurn off your cell phone in school, please,” said Mr. Granite.
    He looked all frustrated. That’s whenan announcement came over the loudspeaker.
    â€œMr. Granite, please come to the office.”
    â€œAnother interruption!” he said. “We may never get to math. Miss Mary, will you take over the class while I’m gone?”
    He went rushing out of the room. We all looked at Miss Mary.
    â€œSo, what do you want to learn?” she asked.
    â€œWe don’t want to learn anything,” I told her. “We want to go to recess.”
    â€œIt’s not time for recess, Arlo!” Andrea said, rolling her eyes.
    â€œI can teach you how to play cricket,” said Miss Mary.
    â€œYou play with crickets?” I said. “That’s disgusting!”
    â€œCricket is a game , Arlo,” Andrea said, rolling her eyes again. “They play it in England.”
    â€œYour face is a game,” I told her.
    â€œCan you show us where England is on the map?” asked Emily.
    â€œUh, sure,” Miss Mary said, going to the map on the wall. “Let’s see; where is that bloody country?”
    â€œThe country is bloody?” I asked.
    Miss Mary looked all over, but she couldn’t find England. And it’s her own country! She’s almost as dumb as the teacher we had last year, Miss Daisy.

    â€œI’ll show you,” said Andrea as she hopped out of her seat and pointed at the map. “It’s right here . England looks a little like a microscope. See?”
    â€œVery good, Andrea!” said Miss Mary.
    Little Miss Smarty Pants smiled her know-it-all smile. Why can’t a microscope fall on her head?
    â€œWhat do people eat in England?” asked Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn’t food.
    â€œI love blood pudding,” said Miss Mary.
    â€œYou make pudding out of blood ?” I asked.
    â€œEwwwwww!” everybody went.
    â€œBlood pudding is a kind of sausage,” said Miss Mary.
    â€œYou should just call it sausage,” said Michael.
    â€œI also love fish and chips,” Miss Mary said, “and bangers and mash.”
    â€œBangers?” Neil asked. “What’s a banger?”
    â€œThat’s a kind of sausage too,” Miss Mary told us.
    â€œWhy don’t you just call sausage ‘sausage’?” I suggested.
    â€œPeople sure eat a lot of sausage in England,” Andrea said.
    â€œWell, what do you Americans like to eat?” asked Miss Mary.
    â€œI like hot dogs,” said Michael.
    â€œYou heat up dogs and eat them?” asked Miss Mary. “How horrid! In England dogs are our pets. We would never eat them.”
    â€œNo!” I told her. “We don’t eat dogs here either! A hot dog is sort of like…a sausage.”
    â€œThen why don’t you call it a sausage?” asked Miss Mary.
    â€œBeats me,” I said.
    â€œI