Miss Mary Is Scary! Read Free Page A

guess everybody likes sausage,” said Ryan, “but nobody wants to call it sausage.”
    â€œSay, can I tell you kids a secret?” asked Miss Mary.
    â€œYeah!” we all shouted.
    â€œWe love secrets,” Andrea said.
    â€œPromise you won’t tell?” asked Miss Mary.
    â€œWe promise.”
    â€œI don’t really want to be a teacher,” Miss Mary whispered. “I want to go on tour with Zack and his band. But don’t tell Daddy. He’ll be so disappointed.”
    â€œWe won’t tell,” we all promised.
    I couldn’t blame Miss Mary for not wanting to be a teacher. Who would want to go to school for the rest of your life? When I grow up, I’m not going anywhere near a school.
    Suddenly, the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened. Zack climbed in the window.
    â€œZack!”
    â€œMary!”
    They started smooching. Ugh, disgusting!
    â€œCan I hear your song ‘I Love Dirt’?” Miss Mary asked.
    â€œNot yet,” Zack replied. “It’s not finished.”
    â€œBut I want to hear it now !”
    â€œSoon, sweetie. Soon.”
    â€œBoo hoo!”
    Miss Mary started crying. Her black eye makeup was running down her face.
    Suddenly, there were footsteps in the hall.
    â€œIt might be Mr. Klutz!” yelled Neil the nude kid.
    â€œHide, Zack!” Ryan shouted.
    â€œWhere?”
    â€œIn the bloody cloakroom!” said Michael.
    â€œThere’s blood in the cloakroom?” I asked.
    Zack ran into the cloakroom.
    As it turned out, the footsteps weren’t Mr. Klutz’s at all. It was Mr. Granite, back from the office.
    â€œYou can come out, Zack,” Miss Mary said.
    Zack came out of the cloakroom.
    â€œWhat are you doing here again?” Mr. Granite asked.
    â€œI was worried about Mary,” Zack told him. “She wasn’t answering her cell phone.”
    â€œHe made me turn it off,” Mary explained.
    â€œI’m glad you’re okay. Look, I gotta get back to work,” Zack said. “The song is almost done.”
    â€œMaybe now I can finally teach some math around here,” said Mr. Granite.
    â€œBye, Zack!” said Miss Mary.
    â€œLater,” Zack said as he climbed out the window.
    â€œSo, what did you learn while I wasgone?” Mr. Granite asked us.
    â€œWe learned that in England they play with crickets,” I told him, “and they make pudding out of blood.”

6
Vampires Are Cute
    Mr. Granite didn’t have the chance to teach his math lesson, because it was time for lunch. We walked single file to the vomitorium. Neil the nude kid was the line leader.
    I sat with the guys, and we were talking about Halloween. We were all goingas superheroes. I would be Batman. Ryan would be Superman. Michael would be Spider-Man. Neil would be the Invisible Man.
    â€œWho do you think would win in a fight?” Michael asked. “Superman or Batman?”

    â€œSuperman would win,” said Ryan. “He could burn Batman up with his heat vision in a second.”
    â€œNo way,” I told him. “Batman would pull out a little mirror, and the heat vision would bounce back and burn Superman alive.”
    â€œSuperman is invulnerable to heat,” Ryan told me.
    â€œNot if it comes from his own eyes,” I insisted. “It would kill him.”
    â€œWould not.”
    â€œWould too.”
    We went back and forth like that for a while. Andrea and her girly friends were at the next table, listening to ourimportant discussion.
    â€œBoys are dumbheads,” said Andrea.
    â€œOh, yeah?” I said. “What are you dressing up as for Halloween? Beach Blanket Barbie?”
    â€œNo,” Andrea replied. “I’m going as Steven Spielberg.”
    What?!
    â€œWho’s Steven Spielberg?” asked Neil the nude kid.
    â€œHe’s a famous movie director,” Andrea told us. “I take a moviemaking class after