wasn’t for you….
Brandon’s disappointment in Nikki can be handled in a way that does not hurt their relationship, but instead opens it up to discussion and collaboration. He may say something like, “I’m really upset about the overcharge on the credit card bill. We made a plan and agreed to limit the use of the card.” This approach will allow Nikki to respond without feeling she has to defend herself against an attack.
Sometimes it seems to be a more natural response to blame one another. Actually, blaming is inherent in human nature and is a defense we hope to resort to less often as we grow and mature. Instead we can take responsibility for our own actions. We can choose to humble ourselves and admit when something is our fault, when we have been wrong, or when we have made a mistake. We can apologize and say “I am sorry” or “It’s my mistake”. When we do, we are much more likely to be met with understanding, forgiveness, and grace. And, as we face our own imperfections and mistakes and take responsibility for what we do and say, we will tend to put less blame on our spouse and others.
SAY IT & BELIEVE IT
Read aloud (individually or together):
Today I choose to take responsibility for my own thoughts, words, and actions. If I believe ( spouse’s name ) is to blame for a problem, mistake, or loss that has occurred, I will not attack him/her with words of blame and anger. I will keep from saying hurtful things that can cause _____ to feel guilt or shame. Instead, I will approach the situation with a heart of grace, an openness to listen and understand, and a willingness to forgive.
If I am tempted to respond in anger, I will allow myself a time-out to release and redirect my anger. I will not address the situation until I feel I can approach _____ without blaming him/her. I remind myself that I am imperfect and prone to make mistakes, make poor choices, and contribute to problems. I choose to release _____ and forgive him/her. I will do my best to work with _____ to resolve issues that may cause tension between us. Instead of pointing out one another’s faults, we can choose to focus on our strengths as we find the best solutions.
Instead of blaming my partner, I will take responsibility for my own actions.
PUT IT INTO PRACTICE
Throughout the week, take note of every time you and your partner have a disagreement.
Were any “blaming words” spoken?
Whether you were blamed or the one doing the blaming, take turns and take responsibility for your part in the problem.
I take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. This is how I contributed to the problem__________.
Example:
Andrea: I take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. I made some wrong assumptions. I said things I should not have said that probably made you feel I lost confidence in you.
Jeremy: I take responsibility for my actions. I was wrong to tell you something I might not be able to follow through on. I know you counted on me. It was my responsibility to do what I said I would do, or at least let you know if things changed and I was not able to.
.
THINK ABOUT IT
You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. ~Jim Rohn
You are not responsible for the programming you picked up in childhood. However, as an adult, you are one hundred percent responsible for fixing it. ~Ken Keyes, Jr.
We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until... we have stopped saying "It got lost," and say "I lost it." ~Sidney J. Harris
When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself. ~Louis Nizer
When you blame others, you give up your power to change. ~unknown
The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the
Brandon’s disappointment in Nikki can be handled in a way that does not hurt their relationship, but instead opens it up to discussion and collaboration. He may say something like, “I’m really upset about the overcharge on the credit card bill. We made a plan and agreed to limit the use of the card.” This approach will allow Nikki to respond without feeling she has to defend herself against an attack.
Sometimes it seems to be a more natural response to blame one another. Actually, blaming is inherent in human nature and is a defense we hope to resort to less often as we grow and mature. Instead we can take responsibility for our own actions. We can choose to humble ourselves and admit when something is our fault, when we have been wrong, or when we have made a mistake. We can apologize and say “I am sorry” or “It’s my mistake”. When we do, we are much more likely to be met with understanding, forgiveness, and grace. And, as we face our own imperfections and mistakes and take responsibility for what we do and say, we will tend to put less blame on our spouse and others.
SAY IT & BELIEVE IT
Read aloud (individually or together):
Today I choose to take responsibility for my own thoughts, words, and actions. If I believe ( spouse’s name ) is to blame for a problem, mistake, or loss that has occurred, I will not attack him/her with words of blame and anger. I will keep from saying hurtful things that can cause _____ to feel guilt or shame. Instead, I will approach the situation with a heart of grace, an openness to listen and understand, and a willingness to forgive.
If I am tempted to respond in anger, I will allow myself a time-out to release and redirect my anger. I will not address the situation until I feel I can approach _____ without blaming him/her. I remind myself that I am imperfect and prone to make mistakes, make poor choices, and contribute to problems. I choose to release _____ and forgive him/her. I will do my best to work with _____ to resolve issues that may cause tension between us. Instead of pointing out one another’s faults, we can choose to focus on our strengths as we find the best solutions.
Instead of blaming my partner, I will take responsibility for my own actions.
PUT IT INTO PRACTICE
Throughout the week, take note of every time you and your partner have a disagreement.
Were any “blaming words” spoken?
Whether you were blamed or the one doing the blaming, take turns and take responsibility for your part in the problem.
I take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. This is how I contributed to the problem__________.
Example:
Andrea: I take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. I made some wrong assumptions. I said things I should not have said that probably made you feel I lost confidence in you.
Jeremy: I take responsibility for my actions. I was wrong to tell you something I might not be able to follow through on. I know you counted on me. It was my responsibility to do what I said I would do, or at least let you know if things changed and I was not able to.
.
THINK ABOUT IT
You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. ~Jim Rohn
You are not responsible for the programming you picked up in childhood. However, as an adult, you are one hundred percent responsible for fixing it. ~Ken Keyes, Jr.
We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until... we have stopped saying "It got lost," and say "I lost it." ~Sidney J. Harris
When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself. ~Louis Nizer
When you blame others, you give up your power to change. ~unknown
The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the
Similar Books
salt.
nayyirah waheed
5 Tutti Frutti
Mike Faricy
Face to Face
Ariana Gaynor
Engleby
Sebastian Faulks
Gathering Shadows
Nancy Mehl
Get It Girls
Treasure Blue
The Concubine's Secret
Kate Furnivall
Bondmate
J.J. Lore
A Christmas Howl
Laurien Berenson
Safekeeping
Jessamyn Hope