to one another and share what they mean to you. Then, answer and discuss the following questions:
Has your commitment changed? If so, how has it changed?
What are some of the promises you made to your spouse?
Have you kept them? Explain.
What is different today than when you first made the promise(s)?
What other vows have you made to your partner?
How serious have you been about keeping them?
Review the following areas of commitment and talk about the promises you might have made to one another. Describe the expectations you have in your marriage.
Faithfulness, Loyalty
• Do you believe your partner is and has been faithful to you? Explain. Can you trust your partner to be truthful and honest? Why or why not?
Financial problems, losses and stress
• When pressure builds from money troubles, how is it handled? Are you able to work together and not let it cause division and strife between you and your spouse? Explain.
Sickness (physical and mental)
• Can you count on your spouse to care for and help you when you are going through a physical illness or mental difficulty? Can you rely on your spouse to be supportive, compassionate, comforting, understanding, and patient during this time?
Other areas of commitment you may want to discuss: Parenting, Tragedy, Aging
A fun and meaningful exercise:
As a special symbol of a fresh start, you can renew your marriage vows or recommit your love for each other. This can be done privately or publicly at home, in a park, or anywhere you choose. There are no rules. You may want to do something similar to what you did when you first got married or something new and meaningful to you now. You may want to speak new promises to each other, re-dedicate your rings, create an exhibit, or play special music for the occasion. This type of ceremony can be very special, meaningful and reviving to a couple and their family and friends.
THINK ABOUT IT
Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still. ~Robert Sternberg
Passion can never purchase what true love desires: true intimacy, self-giving, and commitment. ~unknown
Every couple has ups and downs, every couple argues, and that’s the thing—you’re a couple, and couples can’t function without trust. ~Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself. I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart. I'd rather have the one who holds my heart. ~unknown
RELATIONSHIP BUILDER THREE
Stop Blaming and Know When to Take Responsibility
One of the most common causes of tension and division in relationships is blame. Although our feelings may be well justified, blaming is an unproductive approach to dealing with problems. Instead of creating positive change or resolving issues, blaming creates more problems - walls are erected, tension increases, anger and resentment build, and emotional and physical distancing occur.
When Brandon got the credit card bill and saw that Nikki over-charged hundreds of dollars, he confronted her in his anger. “No wonder we are in debt. This is all your fault. I knew you would be too irresponsible to be trusted with a credit card.” However frustrated and justified Brandon may have been, his approach can result in additional relationship problems. Even if Nikki cuts up her credit card and stops using it, this will not resolve other problems that may result. Anger and resentment may develop. Guilt and shame may linger.
Whether intended or not, blaming words can be very hurtful. We may blame our partners for mistakes, problems, losses or disappointments. We say things like: This is all your fault. I knew I couldn’t trust you. I should have known you would not be responsible. Look at what you did. You always… You never… If it
Has your commitment changed? If so, how has it changed?
What are some of the promises you made to your spouse?
Have you kept them? Explain.
What is different today than when you first made the promise(s)?
What other vows have you made to your partner?
How serious have you been about keeping them?
Review the following areas of commitment and talk about the promises you might have made to one another. Describe the expectations you have in your marriage.
Faithfulness, Loyalty
• Do you believe your partner is and has been faithful to you? Explain. Can you trust your partner to be truthful and honest? Why or why not?
Financial problems, losses and stress
• When pressure builds from money troubles, how is it handled? Are you able to work together and not let it cause division and strife between you and your spouse? Explain.
Sickness (physical and mental)
• Can you count on your spouse to care for and help you when you are going through a physical illness or mental difficulty? Can you rely on your spouse to be supportive, compassionate, comforting, understanding, and patient during this time?
Other areas of commitment you may want to discuss: Parenting, Tragedy, Aging
A fun and meaningful exercise:
As a special symbol of a fresh start, you can renew your marriage vows or recommit your love for each other. This can be done privately or publicly at home, in a park, or anywhere you choose. There are no rules. You may want to do something similar to what you did when you first got married or something new and meaningful to you now. You may want to speak new promises to each other, re-dedicate your rings, create an exhibit, or play special music for the occasion. This type of ceremony can be very special, meaningful and reviving to a couple and their family and friends.
THINK ABOUT IT
Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still. ~Robert Sternberg
Passion can never purchase what true love desires: true intimacy, self-giving, and commitment. ~unknown
Every couple has ups and downs, every couple argues, and that’s the thing—you’re a couple, and couples can’t function without trust. ~Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself. I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart. I'd rather have the one who holds my heart. ~unknown
RELATIONSHIP BUILDER THREE
Stop Blaming and Know When to Take Responsibility
One of the most common causes of tension and division in relationships is blame. Although our feelings may be well justified, blaming is an unproductive approach to dealing with problems. Instead of creating positive change or resolving issues, blaming creates more problems - walls are erected, tension increases, anger and resentment build, and emotional and physical distancing occur.
When Brandon got the credit card bill and saw that Nikki over-charged hundreds of dollars, he confronted her in his anger. “No wonder we are in debt. This is all your fault. I knew you would be too irresponsible to be trusted with a credit card.” However frustrated and justified Brandon may have been, his approach can result in additional relationship problems. Even if Nikki cuts up her credit card and stops using it, this will not resolve other problems that may result. Anger and resentment may develop. Guilt and shame may linger.
Whether intended or not, blaming words can be very hurtful. We may blame our partners for mistakes, problems, losses or disappointments. We say things like: This is all your fault. I knew I couldn’t trust you. I should have known you would not be responsible. Look at what you did. You always… You never… If it
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