Incredible Beauty Read Free

possibly ruined the best thing in my life.
    The distraction had worked, because before I knew it, I’d reached into the mailbox with my shaking hands and grasped hold of the mail. It was then I saw them. A group of teenage boys, walking home from school. They were passing the house next door, heading toward me. I began to panic, tears pricking my eyes as my pulse quickened. The fear had hit me like a bat out of hell. It was swirling its way through my mind; my arms tingled and my stomach wretched as the panic attack began to grip hold of me. I fell to the ground crouching up against the fence, hyperventilating and shaking uncontrollably. One of the boys leaned over the fence to check that I was okay. It was only after I shouted at him to leave did they continue on. I sat there, terrified, against the fence for ten minutes before I worked up the courage to get back inside.
    That was over two months ago and I never told Simon what happened that day.
    I'd love to be able to tell you my agoraphobia is gone. That I can walk down the street, shop, go out for dinner with Simon; things most young women would take for granted, I'm not though. Can I leave the house now?
    Yes, but not without the crippling anxiety that almost makes me want to turn back to the comfort of my own home. The security that those walls provide is something I will never be able to explain and every action of stepping outside my comfort zone is excruciatingly hard, yet I force myself to do it. I have to do it because I can't let myself go backwards. I want to be able to do things with Simon and our baby and play with Maddie in the park.
    Every day is a struggle, but one I need to fight.
     
    Walking out of the bathroom, I canceled the alarm on my cell with only moments to spare. I grabbed my robe and wrapped it around me, heading for the kitchen. I needed coffee, real coffee, the kind that smelt delicious and trickled down my throat, giving me a much needed boost of energy to start the day. Instead, I reached for the decaf, the ‘organic’ blend Simon had so kindly brought for me.
    Armed with my cup of flavorless tar (well, it tasted like it) and the newspaper, I sat in my recliner which overlooked the window out into the back garden. Maybe I'd even venture outside today and do some gardening.
    Who was I kidding? I'd spend the day lying on the sofa, reading a book or two and probably gorging myself with the chocolate hidden at the back of the pantry (thanks Cass).
    Simon had gone all food Nazi on me since we’d discovered I was pregnant. For now that was okay, because he was away so much of the day working, I could still enjoy my little treats from my hidden stash. The paranoid part of me relocated the stash every few days, for fear of him finding it. If only he knew how much junk I was eating each and every day.
    Did I feel guilty when we sat down to our dinner of grilled fish and stir fried vegetables?
    Hell no, he was probably eating as much junk as I was when he was at work and I was sure he didn’t feel guilty about it, so why should I? Besides, I’m sure I read somewhere the benefits of eating chocolate when pregnant.
    Flicking on the TV, I ran through the channels until I found something acceptable to watch, if you could call General Hospital acceptable. It took me all of five minutes to figure out who was doing who and who was hiding what life changing secret from who, when the doorbell rang. Shows like this I could tune into once a month and still get into the story, so this was an unwelcomed distraction.
    "Em!" Cass's muffled voice yelled. "Let me in!" I heaved myself off the sofa, annoyed at having to drag myself away from my new favorite show, to let her in. What was the point to giving her a key if she was going to make me answer the door anyway? That kind of defeated the purpose.
    "What are you doing?" she asked, her hand on her hip as she surveyed me, confused.
    "Nothing, why?" I had no idea what she was on about.
    "Did you forget?" she