Diary of the Pirate Killer Read Free

a few minutes later, but it didn’t work.  He’s dead.  I couldn’t bring him back.  I don’t know what to do.  He’s just lying on the floor. I’m freaking out.  I don’t know what to do with him.  I can’t just leave him here.  I’ve worked enough crime scenes to know that there’s no way I could eliminate all of the trace from both the body and the cabin.  With the leg amputation, there’s no way I could convince them that it was just a simple allergy that killed him.  I can’t even think of what to do right now.  What am I going to do???  Abducting him was bad enough.  Now he’s dead.  I’m going to be executed for this.  I’m supposed to be back at work in half an hour.  I don’t know how I’m going to hold it all together.
     
    8/28/08- Okay, so I made a big, crazy decision last night.  After I got off work, I dragged him into the bathtub and used an old saw that I found in the cabin to dismember him.  I then cleaned the pieces thoroughly with bleach before putting them into a trash bag.  I was considering just putting him into a trashcan, but for some reason, I decided to scatter them around a clearing. 
    I honestly don’t know what I was thinking.  No one would have ever found him if I just threw him away.  There’s no way he won’t be found now.  He’s not too far from a popular campsite.  It was stupid.  I just panicked and was acting without considering the consequences.  I’m going to get busted for this.  I know I will.  I’m not going to look good in an orange jumpsuit.
    I thought for sure that we were going to get a call out there today.  Every time a call came in, my stomach tightened, and I just knew it was going to be out to find his body.  Oh, I really need a drink.
    I did manage to come up with a plan while I was anxiously waiting for the call.  I asked Ben if I could borrow his car to go get us lunch.  I pulled some carpet fibers from his trunk that I can put on the body if it’s found.  I don’t want to have to put a target on his back, but I don’t have any other choice.  No one knows about my relationship with Justin, so if anyone makes the connection to him, Ben will be the logical place to look.  I don’t see how they wouldn’t make the connection.  Even without the leg removal, the shaved head and piercing I gave him should do it.  I love Ben, despite the fact that he won’t even look at me right now, but it’s either him or me.
     
    8/29/08- I’m glad I have the day off.  I don’t even want to get out of bed.  This whole thing with John has left me feeling even worse than I did before.  In a strange way, it feels like I lost Justin all over again.  I know that John didn’t take his place, but it was nice not to feel so alone.  In addition to just feeling down about being alone again, I feel horrible about what happened to John.  I didn’t want him to die.  I know I didn't really know him, but I feel terrible.  Of course, I’m really more upset that I don’t have him to talk to or just spend time with anymore.  When I start to think about that, though, I start to feel really guilty.  Even feeling guilty doesn’t stop the fact that I feel sadder that he’s not here for me.  I feel like a total bitch.  I think I’m going to cry now.
     

September 2008
     
    9/1/08- Dr. Gamboa said I looked worse today.  Well, he didn’t so much say it as write it.  I read it upside down.  I can’t blame him.  I regret taking John.  I didn’t think it was possible to be sadder than I was before, but I do.  It’s debilitating.  Honestly, the only reason I get out of bed and go to work is so I will be there when the call comes in for John’s body.  Besides, it would look ridiculously suspicious if I publically breakdown now.
    It’s really hard.  It literally feels like someone has their hand in my chest and is squeezing my heart.  My whole body just hurts.  I understand how people can actually die of a broken heart.