Diary of the Pirate Killer Read Free Page B

There hasn’t really been much to report.  It’s been a month since John died, and the case has officially stalled.  They did look into a few people with personal grudges against him, but they were unable to make anything stick.  I was actually hoping they could pin it on the last guy they brought in for questioning.  At least he deserves to be jailed.  He’s a real piece of work, named Marshal Teich.  While he’s never been formally accused of any wrong doings that I know of, he’s got his thumb in a number of pies around town.  I heard he even beat down some guy who owed him five bucks.  I don’t know if it’s really true, but it wouldn’t have surprised me.  He apparently got into a pretty heated argument with John about a week before I grabbed him.  Honestly, I think he would have killed him if I hadn’t snatched him up.  At least he didn’t spend his last moments suffering like he would have at the hand of Teich.  I was able to save him from that.
    Back to the point, though, the investigation has all but stopped, and I wasn’t ever looked into.  I know his death was an accident, but it would be near impossible for me to prove it in court.  I feel so bad that it happened, but I’m incredibly relieved that I won’t have to face any backlash from it.  It was a foolish notion, and now that I realize that, I can put it behind me and move past it.  It’s not like it’s something I would ever want to happen again.
     
    9/30/08-Still nothing much to report.  I haven’t been into work in almost a week.  I told them I was super excited about going to the beach, but I just couldn’t get myself to go in.  I actually had a really vivid dream about going in with a large flame thrower and torching the entire building...  I actually woke up smiling.  I’ve only got two more days of my vacation left.  I REALLY don’t want to go back.  Well, it’s almost three.  I guess I should actually get out of bed.  Other than grabbing a bottle of wine and getting up to pee, I’ve just been curled up under my blankets since nine last night.  Even for me, eighteen hours in bed is a lot.
     

October 2008
     
    10/4/08- It’s been almost three months now.  It still hurts as bad as it did that day.  Everyone says the pain will lessen with time.  It’s getting worse.  I’ve almost forgotten how it feels to be happy.  I can put on this fake smile for people, but there’s nothing behind it.  I have to hold it all in, though.  Even though he’s gone, I know if the department found out about the two of us, I’d lose my job.  I just have to bury everything when I’m around those people.
    Ben will hardly even look at me.  I think that makes it all the more difficult to deal with.  I can’t talk to him about what I’m going through.  If he knew how much I was hurting, he might suspect me.  He’s smarter than the others, and he’s the only person who could tie me the death.  The only way plan B will work is if he doesn’t name me until after he’s already been accused.  Then it will just look like the sad attempts of a desperate man.
    I still feel bad putting him in this position, but there’s no other option. 
     
    10/6/08- I can’t believe what this quack said today!  Dr. Gamboa actually recommended that I go on antidepressants!  How ridiculous is that?!  Like a pill could fill the hole Justin left in my heart.  Am I really paying him to hear garbage like this?  I’m furious right now.  What Justin and I had wasn’t just your everyday romance.  What we had was epic.  It was the kind of love most people will never know; the kind they write books about.  I don’t care how many pills I swallowed.  They wouldn’t even begin to heal my soul.  I just want to scream right now.  I think I’m going to go to the gym before I give into my anger and go burn his house down... with him in it.
     
    10/17/08- It’s been a while.  I was so irritated after Dr. Gamboa’s suggestion