Wilderness Read Free

and to Howth or Malahide.
    Then one morning, Gráinne woke up. It was still
dark outside, so she went into Frank’s room, to get
into the bed beside Frank. And Sandra was in the bed
beside Frank, both of them asleep. Gráinne stood
looking at them. She was cold. She got into the bed,
beside Frank. He hugged her. His eyes were still
closed. He turned, still hugging her, and she was
between them, squashed between Frank and Sandra,
and it was fine. It was lovely and warm. When she
woke up again it was bright outside, and the bed was
empty, and she heard laughter from downstairs. Frank
and Sandra were laughing.
    Then, another day, months later, they took her to
the Bad Ass again and they told her – Sandra told her.
She was pregnant, she was going to have a baby.
    â€œAre you the daddy?” she asked Frank.
    Frank was shocked at the question, and impressed.
Gráinne was looking straight at him.
    â€œYes,” said Frank. “The baby will be your sister
or brother.”
    â€œNo, it won’t,” said Gráinne.
    She worked it out.
    â€œIt’ll only be my half -sister, or half-brother.”
    â€œBut it’s great news, isn’t it?” said Sandra.
    â€œYeah,” said Gráinne.
    But, really, she didn’t know what it was, good or bad,
or even news at all. She didn’t know what she felt.
    The baby was Johnny. And Gráinne loved him, he
was so cute. Sandra was at home all the time now
and, even though she was often busy feeding Johnny
and playing with Johnny, Gráinne loved it. She was
old enough to walk home from school on her own, and
Sandra was always there when Gráinne rang the bell
or went around to the back door and, nearly always,
her dinner was ready, the smell of it filling the
kitchen. She sometimes felt alone, and a few times,
when she went into her dad’s room to get into the bed,
he asked her to go back to her own bed because
Johnny was already in the middle and there was no
more room.
    â€œHe’s a brute,” said Frank. “Look at the size of him.”
    But Frank and Sandra made sure Gráinne wasn’t
left alone for long. She loved it when Frank got down
on the floor beside her and played. He did it a lot, and
so did Sandra. Gráinne knew that they were looking
after her. They checked her homework, checked that
her clothes were clean, checked her hair for head lice
when the letter came from school.
    â€œUh-oh, the lice letter.”
    â€œIt’s the same one every time,” said Gráinne. “The
exact same words.”
    â€œThat’s not fair on the lice,” said Sandra. “Every
    louse is different. Come here, till we look.”
    Then they took Gráinne to the Bad Ass again, and
Tom was born soon after. He was cute too, but Sandra
was mad busy, and Johnny was very jealous. He
climbed and pushed his way on to Sandra’s lap when
she was feeding Tom. He threw his food across the
kitchen. He dumped it on top of his head. He did
anything to get Sandra to look at him. There wasn’t
much room for Gráinne. But Frank always kissed and
hugged her first when he came home, even though,
sometimes, Johnny bit his leg while he was hugging
her. And he often took her out for special times
together. They even went to Paris for a long weekend.
It was OK, living in that house, growing up with Frank
and Sandra, and Johnny and Tom. Gráinne was happy.
    Then she was a teenager and suddenly, it seemed,
she was unhappy and unfriendly, and silent and loud
at the same time. She spoke to no one, but slammed
the doors. She turned her music up loud, talked
loudly to her friends on her mobile phone, telling
them how stupid her family was and how she hated
them all. It was teenage stuff, Frank and Sandra knew,
but it was hard. Especially for Frank. He felt guilty
    and, sometimes, angry. She was like this because he was a bad father – there was something he