Weirder Than Weird Read Free

lads to have the ability to look right through a woman’s dress straight to her undergarments… and all for a mere buck twenty five!“
        They all laughed.
        “Of course… as you know, these items never did pan out as advertised, I speak with first-hand knowledge because I purchased just about every product ever displayed in those books at one time or another but I must say… one advertisement did finally deliver on its promise and I was sure at the time that it would make me very, very rich!
        “As it was, I placed an order for this particular product and was on pins and needles for the next few weeks as I eagerly awaited the arrival of my package. When it finally came I ran with it to the backyard, plopped down upon the ground and tore open the box. There inside, under a wad of newspaper, was a large envelope with the words “PUPPY SEEDS” marked in bold black letters. My heart jumped! Two weeks prior I had painstakingly prepared a small plot of soil in our back yard to receive these magical seeds, I carefully followed the instructions and, sure enough, within the next week or so I could see the sprouting of a most unusual type of plant. As they matured over the following days, each plant grew a thick rigid stalk and numerous pod- like structures poked out in all directions. Between school and my chores at home, I still managed to find time to lovingly nurse my plants to maturity and, to my great joy, it wasn’t long before they bore their promised fruit.
        “That night, I was asleep in my bedroom. It was very warm so I had the window open and at some point I heard a small squeak of a noise coming from outside my window. I immediately realized what it was and flew from the house with flashlight in hand. Sure enough, when I reached the garden, I could see a tiny figure squirming in the dark. With great joy I scooped a tiny puppy into my hand and heartily welcomed the little fellow into the world, but a second later I heard a slight thump as something hit the ground nearby which was simultaneously accompanied by a tiny yelp. I pointed my light in the direction of the sound and goodness me, wouldn’t you know, it was another puppy! I watched in amazement as a number of the pods slowly opened and invariably a little puppy would slide out and hit the ground causing a small yelp to erupt. I was overjoyed not only by the number being born in such a magical way but also by the variety the plants had to offer. There were Collies, Dobermans, Golden Retrievers, Saint Bernards, Basset Hounds, and just about every breed imaginable. As soon as one would blossom out, I would pick it up and place it in a pen that I had built just for the occasion.”
        “I was quite proud of the fact that I had planned every step in advance but it soon became obvious that the pen was inadequate to hold all of my little money makers since they arrived at such a hurried pace, so I hastily fashioned another pen out of old cinder blocks and chicken wire, but that too quickly filled to capacity. I was astonished by the prolific nature of the plants and it became clear that I would never be able to fully contain all of my little darlings. Our backyard was soon overwhelmed, then the front yard, then the sidewalk, and before I knew it, puppies were swarming over the entirety of our neighborhood in a cacophony of tiny squeaks and whimpers!
        “My neighbors were horrified by the never ending parade of puppies that encroached upon their perfectly manicured lawns and walkways and were so incensed that some of them threatened legal action against me if I didn’t put an end to this so called “ Puppy Pollution .” I must admit that I was frightened stiff at the prospect of spending my promising youth in a jail cell. My parents were also on the verge of disowning me if I didn’t find some way to correct the situation… and fast!
        “I ran back to the box that the seeds had come in and pored over the instructions