Undefeated - A New Adult Romance Novel Read Free

locker room. His walk possessed a certain confidence – a swagger.
    “Why you suppose he walks like that?” the manager asked as he watched the boxer walk away.
    “ Because he can ,” the trainer responded.

KACE. Trying to figure a way to get out of a relationship and not feel like a complete failure is difficult. Most people will never understand why I have stayed in the relationship with Josh as long as I have. As much as I hate the way that he has treated me, I cannot imagine giving up on us - giving up on our relationship.
    I don’t think I know how to be alone.
    When I think of it, my head gets all jumbled up and I get scared. Sometimes when I think of leaving him I shake. As soon as I start shaking, I change my mind. I often wish someone would decide for me.
    Each time that he has beaten me, I deserved it. I remember the time when I was eighteen, right after high school. Josh was twenty-one. He had to work overtime that day, and he came home exhausted from a long day at work. He asked me about dinner, and I back talked him. He just lost his temper. He never would have hit me if I hadn’t talked back. It was a really long day for him.
    Every time he has hit me, he later reminded me it never would have happened if I hadn’t deserved it. He always told me he wished he didn’t have to do it. He said if I would just learn my lesson and learn to respect him, he wouldn’t have to hit me. Sometimes I wish I would learn my lesson, and other times I wish I was with someone else - someone that didn’t have to hit me.
    Josh and I met when I was sixteen. I have never been with anyone else. I doubt, from what he says, that anyone else would ever want me. I have no idea what it’s like to have another man or even talk to one for that matter. Josh doesn’t let me talk to other men, and he monitors my text messages and phone calls. He doesn’t allow me to have Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, or Twitter. He takes my cell phone and goes through all of the files in it whenever he wants to, checking for pictures. He said it teaches me to be honest and loyal. I suppose he’s right, but it still bothers me.
    When I am at work, I think about what it would be like to have a man trea t me like the men in the books I read. I doubt that those men really actually exist. If they do, I’d sure like to have a man like that. One that cherished me and told me I was beautiful. Maybe he would hold my hand and take me to a movie. It would be nice to feel wanted. Josh had not had sex with me for several years and I felt ugly because of it. A woman needs to feel wanted. Even if she doesn’t feel loved, she needs to feel as if someone wants or desires her.
    Because Josh didn’t make me feel wanted or desired at all, and had not for years, I often daydre amed about other men. I would never cheat on Josh, and even though he wasn’t nice to me, I wanted him to just want me. I wished that he desired something that I had to offer him. That desire, however, never comes. I don’t daydream about a book boyfriend saving me. I’m not like those girls in the books – not like that .
    I don’t need to be saved .
    I choose to be in this relationship, because I want this to work, and I do not want to give up on us. I don’t want to fail. I only want to be loved.
    I’m a strong woman, and my persistence in this relationship stands as proof of my strength .
    For the last few years I have been thinking about my book boyfriends more frequently. I often daydream about them and what it would be like to actually be with them – to have what it is that’s depicted in the books. To have the hardship, the recovery, and the relationship that I often read about. It really started when Josh held his knife to my throat and told me I was a dumb bitch . We had been arguing more than normal because he quit making love to me. The first time I asked why, he slapped me and said it was because he wasn’t attracted to me any longer. I was ugly inside and out. He