Uncle John's Presents Book of the Dumb 2 Read Free

have received your BA in BS detection. Miss it, and you’ll have to go back for yet another year of lazy college days, intermittent classes, and all the partying you can stand. Yeah, we know. Not much incentive to get it right, is it?
    1.   Two Emory University undergraduates were sent to the emergency room after playing a new drinking game for several hours. Described in the university’s student newspaper, the Emory Wheel, the game, called “The Online Dating Clichés Chug-a-Lug,” is played similarly to the television drinking games in which alcohol is consumed whenever a TV character says one of his or her stock phrases. In the online dating game version, students log into an online dating service, cruise through the profiles, and drink whenever common clichés arise (i.e., “Looking for new adventures” instead of “newly-divorced”) and when dubious titles appear in the Favorite Books and Favorite Movies categories. Sartre and Godard are immediate signals to chug, according to the article.
    2.   An administrator of the University of Canberra, Australia, got his knickers in a bunch when a quartet of men he thought were burglarizing his home turned out to be students. The students had broken into the home of university vice chancellor and president Roger Dean and were rufflingthrough his wardrobe when police arrived to make the arrest. The students were participating in a school-wide scavenger hunt being run as an adjunct to a fund-raiser for school charities; objects on the scavenger list included “the pyjama bottoms of at least one university administrator.” “If they’d have asked, I would have cheerfully handed them over,” Dean said. “But having them mysteriously appear in my home was somewhat distressing.” Canberra police initially arrested the four on attempted burglary charges but released them after Dean declined to press charges.
    3 .   The two art students from the Czech Republic wanted to make sure their creative efforts would be noticed—it was the end of the term and so they needed their work to go off with a real bang. And so the two cobbled together two objects made out of old electronic components, slapped stickers on them which said “EXPLOSIVE,” and then dropped them off in the city center of Brno, one of the Czech Republic’s largest cities. Well, the effort was noticed; the city center shut down for hours while bomb disposal experts fiddled with artworks. The police came after the students and charged them with conspiring to cause a public disturbance. Who turned them in? Their professor. Guess they shouldn’t be counting on that “A” after all.
    Turn to page 329 for answers.
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    Dim Bulbs in Bright Lights
Dumb and Dumber (1994)
    W elcome to Dim Bulbs in Bright Lights, a celebration of some of the best dumb characters in film. You don’t have to be dumb to enjoy dumb characters—in fact, it helps if you’re not.
    Our Dumb Guys: Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey) and Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels)
    Our Story: Two big-hearted but essentially brainless guys hit the road in their shaggy dog-shaped van to drive cross-country and return a misplaced suitcase full of money to its rightful owner, Mary, a woman (Lauren Holly) in trouble with a couple of thugs and with whom Lloyd falls in love. Hilarity ensues.
    Dumb or Stoned? Clean livers both, Lloyd and Harry are just plain dumb. The closest these two come to taking drugs occurs when Lloyd takes revenge on Harry, who he believes stole his girl, by slipping him a mugful of laxative.
    High Point of Low Comedy: On their road trip across the country, Harry and Lloyd use a container to relieve themselves in the car. Unfortunately, a state trooper pulls the two over and mistakes this open container for beer and not pee. That’s a taste test he won’t ever forget.
    And Now, In Their Own Words: Lloyd has just traded in their nice big van for a