Uncle John's Presents Book of the Dumb 2 Read Free Page B

arrived, he was so thrilled with it that he couldn’t resist rocking out with his new toy. When he was done, he discovered to his horror that his enthusiastic rockination had caused his sleeve to wipe off most of Brian May’s signature. Now it just read “Bri,” which was just enough of a signature for Tim to say to his friends “Look, that’s Brian May’s signature!” and for his friends to say “Yeah, sure it is, Tim,” and roll their eyes.
    There is a silver lining to this tale: Walker put in a call to Brian May’s personal assistant, detailing his sad story; she took sympathy on the poor guy and passed along the tale to May, who agreed to resign the guitar. We hope that Tim will be more careful this time. Brian may not be so keen to sign again if another one bites the dust.
    Source: Daily Record (UK), The Sun (UK)

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The Camera Has Stopped. Please Don’t Act Anymore
    D aryl Hannah apparently has difficulty interacting with the press —and for good reason, if you’ve read most of the reviews of her acting (she was excellent in Roxanne, though. Check it out). So when the long-legged actress had to chat up the press at the premiere of Kill Bill Volume 2, in which she plays a ruthless one-eyed assassin named Elle Driver, she struck upon what she thought was a fine idea. Instead of talking to the press as Daryl, famous movie star, she’d chat them up as Elle, cold-blooded sword wielding killer: “So I went through the press line and I was standing on my car and doing kung fu and giving them the finger or whatever,” she told a reporter for TeenHollywood.com .
    How convincing was she? Convincing enough that when she later left the theater, there were policemen waiting for her, asking her to take a Breathalyzer test. Because, you see, in the real world, she’s not Elle Driver, the hard-as-nails extinguisher of life—she’s Daryl Hannah, actress. When celebrities seem memorably erratic at movie premieres, police tend to think they’ve probably got just a little too much of something alcoholic in their system.
    Hannah had to talk to them to prove that she was sober (and sane) before they let her go about her life. “They couldn’t seem to understand that I was just acting,” she said. Well, Ms. Hannah, maybe they saw you in Legal Eagles.
    Source: Ananova, TeenHollywood.com

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A Step Down from “Clapton Is God,” To Be Sure
    I f you ever want assurance that even the most famous of people on the globe aren’t famous to everyone, everywhere, one need look no further than Eric Clapton, noted rock ’n’ roll guitarist. From his early days with John Mayall, through Cream, Derek and the Dominoes, and his own solo work, Clapton has been consistently regarded as one of the most gifted—and famous—rock guitarists ever. But all that fame meant nothing in Surrey, England, when a cop pulled over Clapton’s Ferrari for speeding.
    According to news reports, the conversation between police officer Jim Jackson and one of the most popular and revered recording artists of the last half century went something like this:
    Jackson: And what’s your name, then?
    Clapton: Eric Clapton, officer.
    Jackson: So, Mr. Clapton, what do you do for a living to have such a nice car?
    Clapton: I’m in the music business.
    Jackson: Music business, eh? You must be doing okay, then.
    And then he wrote Clapton a speeding ticket. It wasn’t until later that Jackson’s partner, a huge Clapton fan, got his pal up to speed on who it was he’d just pulled over. Or as theUK paper The Daily Record put it, cheekily: “Jackson has since been debriefed about the identity of the little-known Ferrari driver. He can at least breathe a sigh of relief that a cranky Clapton did not shoot the sheriff.”
    Well, of course he didn’t. Clearly Jackson was the deputy.
    Source: Daily Record (UK)

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To Tell the Truth
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