Uncle John's Presents Book of the Dumb 2 Read Free Page A

teeny moped, and Harry says: “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this . . . and totally redeem yourself!”
    They’re Dumb, But Is the Film Good? Not really. But it is an acknowledged classic of the “Effluvia and Stupidity” comedy genre, so if you’re a big fan of poo jokes, it’s a must see.
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CHAPTER 2

Blame It on the Fame
    Look at it this way: everybody does dumb things. We do. You do. Even hugely famous stars do. But most of the time, when regular people do something a little dippy, the paparazzi isn’t waiting in the bushes to try to snap pictures of the event and sell them to the highest bidder. (Sometimes obscurity is a good thing.) But just because celebrities are easy targets, they still don’t get a pass. Clearly, any sympathy for the rich and famous only goes so far.

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Not Exactly a “Smooth Criminal”
    W e can believe that formerly beloved and now mostly inexplicable celebrity Michael Jackson has an aversion to being identified—honestly now, given his personal history over the last several years, if you were him, would you want to be identified? Jackson’s problem is that his attempts to be “low-profile” end up being pretty obvious. If a skinny man of indeterminate skin tone comes toward you wearing both a surgical mask and a jacket with sequins and epaulets, who else is it going to be? And when he’s not being obvious, he’s simply scaring the townsfolk.
    Case in point: February 2004, Michael Jackson is in Colorado with his children when he decides that what he really needs to do is visit the Wal-Mart located in West Glenwood Springs—apparently Jackson, like many Americans, is all about value. But of course Jackson is concerned about being mobbed by the fans, so he decides to enter the store incognito. “Incognito” in this case meaning “while wearing a ski mask.”
    Well, as most people know, wearing a ski mask into a commercial establishment that’s not directly adjacent to a ski slope is the universal symbol for “Hello! I’ll be your robber for today.” So the good news is that the Wal-Mart employees and customers did not realize that Michael Jackson was in their midst. The bad news is that they thought they were being robbed. And the last thing Michael Jackson needs at this point is to be confused with a criminal, smooth or otherwise.
    The employees called the police, who arrived after Jackson had left the store, but who then questioned Jackson a short time later in his vehicle, which had been described to the cops by the Wal-Mart employees. Interestingly, this wasn’t the first time that week that Jackson had frightened the water out of a retail worker; Jackson pulled the same “ski mask” trick at a camera shop in Aspen, causing an employee to note, “When he first came in, I thought we were being robbed.” The employees at the Aspen Sharper Image store didn’t think they were being robbed, but as one noted: “I had no idea it was him, but I did think it was a bit strange for someone to be wearing that outfit.”
    Source: TheDenverChannel.com

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Rub & Roll
    H ere’s what you do when you spend a boatload of money to acquire a guitar signed by one of your all-time guitar heroes. When you get it, first you take pictures of yourself with the guitar, in a rock god pose, fake pinwheeling your arms like Pete Townsend or hammering the frets à la Eddie Van Halen. And then, once you’ve had your fun, you mount it on your wall like a prize marlin and you never touch it again. To do otherwise is to tempt fate.
    This much British guitar fan Tim Walker found out when he paid £1000 (about $1,600) for a guitar signed by Brian May, the guitarist from Queen (whose unique guitar sound comes in part from the use of a six-pence coin as a pick). Walker snapped up the guitar from a charity auction, and when it