The Willoughbys Read Free Page A

know."
    "I don't know."
    "I don't know."
    The three younger children spoke at the same time and were each demoted one step for being monotonous and sounding like echoes, even though the game had ended.
    "And now," Tim announced, going to retrieve his bicycle from under the stoop, "I am going out for a bit, to visit the Reprehensible Travel Agency and obtain some brochures. I have come up with a perfectly despicable plot to get rid of our parents"
    "You are ruthless, Tim," Barnaby A commented happily.
    "Yes. And soon to be an orphan, as well."

4. An Impending Vacation

    "Dear ones," Mrs. Willoughby said at dinner as she sliced the overcooked leg of lamb with a small handsaw, "Father and I have decided to take a vacation."
    "A sea voyage?" asked Tim, as he spooned some glutinous gravy onto the gray slab of meat she had given him.
    "Why, yes," his mother replied. "As a matter of fact, we are taking a long sea voyage, with many interesting stops along the way. This very colorful brochure appeared through our mail slot, from the—let's see, what was that name again?" She picked up the glossy paper and looked at it.
    "The Reprehensible Travel Agency?" suggested Tim.

    "That's it exactly!" His mother beamed at him. "You're so clever, son. I hope your cleverness will win you a scholarship so that you can go to college."
    "What about B and me?" Barnaby A asked. "We're not clever."
    "And Jane? She's a complete dodo," Barnaby B added. "Does that mean that we won't be able to go to college?"
    Their father glared at them. "You can read, can't you?" he asked.
    "Yes, of course we can read," the twins replied.
    "Even I can read," Jane said, "and I'm a complete dodo."
    "Well, then, you should feel very fortunate. There are many less fortunate people in the world. I have heard of people in underdeveloped countries who do not know how to read.
    "Here," he said, and he took the brochure from his wife and handed it to Barnaby B. "This is a test. Read this or you'll have no dessert."
    Barnaby B looked with interest at the first glossy page of the brochure. "'Visit exotic locations,'" he read aloud.
    "Now your brother," said Mr. Willoughby, and grabbed the brochure. He handed it to Barnaby A, who read aloud: "'Erupting volcanoes. Ferocious wild animals. Floods, famine, and—'"

    "And finally the girl." Mr. Willoughby grabbed the brochure again and handed it to Jane. She sounded out the words very carefully. "'Earthquakes. Civil strife. War zones.'"
    "Good. You can all read. Dessert for everyone, and no college. You don't need college." Mr. Willoughby put his fork down. "Dearest?" He looked inquiringly at his wife. "Shall we tell them about our plans?"
    "Please do," she said.
    "We've decided, as a result of this glossy brochure from the Reprehensible Travel Agency, to take a vacation," Mr. Willoughby announced.
    "Yes, you said that already," Jane pointed out.
    "Don't interrupt."
    "Sorry," said Jane, looking at her lap.
    "Therefore," he continued, "since it is against the law for us to leave you alone—"
    "It is?" asked Barnaby A with interest.
    "We don't mind staying alone," Tim said. "We prefer it, actually."
    Mr. Willoughby glared at the children. "May I continue?" he asked pointedly.
    The children nodded politely. "Sorry," they all murmured, and Tim, feeling thwarted, kicked the cat under the table.

    "Therefore," his father continued, "we have decided to hire a nanny."

5. The Arrival of the Odious Nanny

    "Here comes another one," Barnaby A announced, looking down from the window after the doorbell had sounded below.
    The Willoughby children were on the fourth floor of the tall, thin house, the floor where a musty, cobwebbed attic had been converted into a musty, cobwebbed playroom.
    "What does this one look like?" Barnaby B asked, glancing over from the table, where he was drawing a picture of a skyscraper on a long piece of paper that he had laid out. "Eighty-nine, ninety," he murmured as he drew two more windows. Barnaby B was meticulous,