Underneath It All Read Free

were to use as an example then everything I did was incorrect. I didn’t know what I had done to upset her so much or make her hate me but it was evident that she did.
                  *****
                  Bedtime wasn’t any better and as a kid the night played tricks on me. Young imaginations run wild and the branches on the tree outside the window appear to be long, bony, skeleton like fingers that are reaching towards you. The baby doll that you know was sitting on your dresser when you got into bed has now disappeared and is somewhere lurking in the dark.
                  As congested as the rest of this house was the girl’s room was a little scarce. I guess scarce maybe the wrong word; it wasn’t very inviting for a little girl. There were three girls to each bed and almost always someone would pee in the bed. I was miserable. There wasn’t any paint on the walls and when one of the other children tried to draw on it with some crayons she was reprimanded and made to scrub the entire room with a tiny sponge.
                  My fear of the night wasn’t any better than it was during the day and while I should’ve been happy to be sleeping in a bed my attention was focused on the shadow blocking the light underneath my bedroom door. Whoever or whatever it was had been standing there for a while and I kept thinking that it was The Wicked Witch coming to take me back down to the kitchen and force feed me the dinner I had refused earlier. As the door creaked and the figure entered I shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep.
                  I peered over the sheets and exhaled when I realized it wasn’t The Wicked Witch. It was the same boy who had tried to rescue me from the highchair the day before.
    He crawled in to the bed and lay next to me as I tried my best to keep my eyes closed. He slid his one hand under the sheet gently pulling it down exposing my thin body. In the beginning he used to rub on my prepubescent vagina while touching himself until he reached a point where his breathing became ragged and he’d stop. Afterwards he would look at me with this embarrassed expression on his face, tell me goodnight and leave my room. I suppose he had gotten bored with our usual routine because he had chosen tonight to take things a step further.
    I watched as he pulled his pants down and began stroking himself. He positioned himself on top of me and placed his hand over my mouth.
                  I tried to scream but I couldn’t. I could hear the sound of my voice in my head but when I opened my mouth nothing came out. It felt like someone was tearing my insides apart. The more he moved, the more it hurt.
                  To be honest, I was okay with him coming into my room gently petting my vagina. Hell, I was only a child and I didn’t know any better. Everyone in the house seemed to hate me so for him to show me any kind of affection made me feel as though someone actually cared about me but that night I knew something was wrong. Looking back on it now I know that him pulling out and cumming all over my face was his was of letting me know that he didn’t respect me either.
                  I lay there motionless as he left the room. I didn’t know how to process what had just happened. My entire body was hurting and I felt like I had peed on myself. Tears were still streaming down my face as I looked up at the ceiling. I stared at the glow n’ the dark stars and wished that I could be among them. Shortly after he had left, the door opened again and I just knew I was going to die. He walked back towards the bed, leaned over me and began wiping me off with a warm towel.
                  He told me that his mother wouldn’t want me to bleed all over the sheets and if I told anybody they wouldn’t believe me anyway.
                  As I laid in the dark I kept hearing The Wicked Witch say over and