The Teacher from Heck Read Free

it at me and pretended to shoot it.
    I gulped. “A mile?”
    Sherman nodded. “Are you ready to surrender, Bernie? You’d better. If I blast you with the Devastator , it will change your whole bone structure. And you’ll be about a foot shorter.”
    I tapped the water tank again. “You’re not trying to scare me— are you, Sherman?”
    He snickered. “Hee-hee-hee.” It was an evil snicker.
    I scratched my head. I pretended to be confused. “I don’t get it,” I said. “You hook up that thing to the tank, and it squirts? How does it work?”
    â€œIt’s totally simple, dude,” Sherman said. “Even you could work it. I’ll show you.”
    He always likes to show off his new toys. Makes him feel like a big man. I scratched my head some more, pretending I didn’t get it.
    â€œDo you push this button here?” I asked.
    â€œNot yet,” Sherman said. “Here, Bernie. Try it on. I’ll show you.”
    With a groan, he hoisted the heavy tank off his back. I helped him strap it onto my back. Then I watched him hook up the big, red-and-blue nozzle.
    â€œIs this the shooter?” I asked. “Is this the part that blasts the water?”
    It isn’t easy for a genius like me to play dumb. But I can do it when I need to.
    â€œRelax, dude,” Sherman said. “It’s simple. You just hold the nozzle and press this button.”
    I bit my lip. “I don’t know. I don’t think I can work it.”
    â€œYes, you can,” Sherman said. “Even a baby coulddo it. You just push right here.”
    â€œReally?” I said. I aimed the nozzle at Sherman’s chest.
    â€œNo! Wait !” Sherman cried.
    I pushed the button.

    The blast of water was so powerful, it knocked me onto my back. Over the deafening roar, I could hear Sherman’s screams of agony.
    I sat up and took my finger off the button.
    I blinked. Once. Twice.
    Was I seeing what I was seeing ?

    Yes.
    Sherman stood in front of me, dripping wet— and totally naked!
    The water blast blew all his clothes off!
    The only things he was wearing were his shoes !

    â€œPretty good,” I said. I handed him back his water blaster. “Not bad. It could use a little more power, though.”
    Sherman let out a weak gurgle.
    I saw April-May June and a bunch of girls crossing the lawn. They stopped and pointed at Sherman. The girls uttered squeals of surprise. Then they started laughing their heads off.

    Sherman gurgled again. He shook a fist at me. “You’re toast, Bernie,” he said. “Totally toast.”
    He glanced at the laughing girls. Then he ran off, trying to cover his butt as he ran.
    The rumor is true! I saw. I clapped my hands to my face. Sherman really did have dollar signs tattooed on his butt!
    As I watched the naked dude run, I knew he would try to get even with me.
    Sure enough, he struck at lunch the next day….

Chapter 6
T HE N AKED A STRONAUT W INS
    Sherman struck without warning.
    My buddies Feenman, Crench, and I were having a quiet lunch in the Dining Hall. I was lapping up a big bowl of spaghetti. And I was showing my friends some really funny things you can do with meatballs.
    I saw April-May June get up from her seat at the girls’ table. She came walking toward me.
    My tongue fell out of my mouth. I started to pant. April-May is my girlfriend. She’s nuts about me. Only she doesn’t know it yet. She doesn’t have a clue.
    I flashed her my best smile. “Yo, April-May,” I said. “Whussup?”
    She gave me a nice greeting. “No way, Bernie,” she said.
    â€œBut I haven’t said anything yet!” I replied.
    â€œNo way, Bernie,” she said.
    â€œCan I ask you a question?” I said.
    She tossed back her blond hair. “No way, Bernie.”
    â€œI heard you all baked peanut-butter pies inCooking class,” I said. I started to drool. I