The Mystery of Mr. Nice Read Free

Mystery Meat or Chef's Surprise.

    Chet Gecko was on the case.
    Natalie and the Newt Brothers were waiting outside. We watched the main office until Mrs. Crow left for lunch, bob-bob-bobbin' along toward a juicy worm, no doubt. Yuck. A janitor followed her, pushing a cart.
    That left only Principal Zero inside.
    I turned to Bo and Tony Newt.
    "Okay, boys. Make it good. You've got to keep him away from the office for at least five minutes."
    "No problem-o, Chet," said Bo. He grinned from ear to ear, like Peter Pumpkin Eater at a jack-o'-lantern convention.

    "Yeah," said Tony, hooking a thumb toward his brother. "I'm gonna love creaming this creep."
    "Who you calling a creep, you moth-brain?" Bo aimed a kick at his brother's head.
    Tony ducked and karate-chopped back. They burst through the cafeteria doors faster than a vice principal after a sassy eighth grader.
    Tony snatched a chunk of mealworm casserole off some kid's tray.
    "Yoohoo, bug-breath!" He tossed the food at his brother's face. Bo ducked, and the gooey mess splatted onto a fat toad at the next bench.
    I sighed. It was a shame to waste chow, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
    "Nice shot, booger-brain," said Bo. "Take
that!
"
    He flung a lump of Jell-O at Tony. Tony dodged, and the gelatin ploshed into the lap of one of the Rat Sisters. She growled and hefted her soup bowl.
    "FOOD FIGHT!" I screamed.
    The cafeteria erupted in airborne edibles. Casserole and Jell-O flew through the air with the greatest of cheese. Rolls bounced, doughnuts danced, and salad got undressed. It looked like a family of crosseyed jugglers had gone berserk in a deli.
    I wanted to stay and help clean up the leftovers, but lunch would have to wait. Natalie tugged me out the door. "Come
on,
" she said.

    We stopped outside the principal's office and ducked behind the bushes.
    "Watch this mockingbird go to work," said Natalie. She buzzed like an office intercom.
    "Principal Zero, come quick!" said Natalie in Maggie Crow's voice. "There's a food fight in the cafeteria!"
    Whoever he was, he still acted like a principal. The huge cat staggered out the door, tugging on some loose skin at his neck, waddling off as fast as he could go.

    "Oh, the waste!" moaned Principal Zero.
    I smirked. "He has quite a waist himself."
    Natalie eyed my belly. "You should talk, Mr. Can't-Say-No-to-a-Pillbug-Crunch-Bar."

    "Hey, at least I don't have worm-breath," I said. I narrowed my eyes. "Now, you want to swap insults or search this joint?"

    We searched the joint. Natalie checked the principal's file cabinets and corkboard. I took his desk.
    "What are we looking for, anyway?" she said.
    "Anything that can give us the lowdown. Medical records, ransom notes, maps to secret hideouts—anything at all."
    I looked in the wastebasket. It was empty as a vampire's vanity mirror.
    I sifted through the papers on the desk. Report cards overflowed his in-box. When I saw my own, I paused. A C+ in English? Just because I told the teacher that Shakespeare was an old English javelin thrower?
    School wasn't fair.
    I moved on. A hefty book,
Crime and Punishment in Primary School,
sat open on his desk. A half-eaten fish-gut sandwich pinned down a stack of old homework papers and drawings. I noticed my own masterpiece among them.
    A "private collection," eh?
    "Hey, Chet, look at this," said Natalie.
    She held up a calendar. On it, Friday's date was circled in red.
PTA meeting
was scrawled in the same color.
    "Do you think it means something?" she said.

    "Yeah. It means he's going to the PTA meeting. Anything else?"
    Natalie shook her head and turned back to the file cabinet. I slid open a desk drawer. A well-worn copy of
Advanced Spanking Techniques
rested on some rolled-up papers.
    I unrolled one batch. It looked like floor plans for buildings. The top of each sheet read,
Vocational School.
    Since when was Principal Zero an architect?
    "Check this out," I said.
    "Yes?" A deep voice answered.
    Uh-oh.
The