The Mystery of Mr. Nice Read Free Page A

principal's huge body filled the doorway. His tail twitched like a snake doing the jitterbug.
    "What are you doing here?" growled Big Fat Zero.
    I glanced around the room. "Oh. Uh ... the sun-lamp. We came here to work on our tans."
    His eyes narrowed. "What sunlamp? This is an office."
    "I was misinformed," I said.
    I stuffed the drawings back into his drawer. Natalie dropped a file folder and joined me by the desk.
    "Anything else?" said Principal Zero.
    "Yeah," I said. I pointed to the building plans. "Do you know what
vocational
means?"
    "It means 'relating to training for a job or career,'" he said.

    "Thanks," I said. "I was wondering."
    Principal Zero stepped toward us. His lip curled in a snarl. Then...
    "Thanks for keeping an eye on the office while I was gone," he said. His sudden smile was as transparent as a good deed on report-card day. "You're such helpful students. Would you like some dessert?"
    He held out a tray of pudding—butterscotch, with big, juicy carpenter ants inside. My mouth watered. I reached for the tray.
    "Ow!"
    Natalie had stomped on my foot. I glared at her. She smiled.
    "Oops," she said. "Lost my balance. Isn't it time for us to go, Chet?"
    "Huh? Oh ... yeah," I grumbled. "Thanks anyway, Mr. Zero. See you around."
    He stepped aside to let us pass. As I looked up at Principal Zero, I noticed an odd line on his neck, almost like a scar. His phony smile stretched wider than a hippo's hammock.
    "Come back anytime, children." He purred. "My door is always open."
    When we were out of earshot, Natalie spoke.
    "What was the big idea, taking pudding from him?"
    "Why not?" I said. My taste buds hadn't forgiven her yet.

    "It was a bribe, you dingdong. He was trying to throw you off track. You were right, Chet—there
is
something fishy going on."
    "You think so?"
    "He's as phony as your book report on
The Wonders of Plankton.
"
    I winced. "Hey, I'll have you know it took me a long time to make up that book."
    I led the way into the cafeteria. Most of the food was back where it belonged, on trays or in kids' mouths. Lunchroom monitors were mopping up the rest.
    I grabbed a tray.
    "Wait a minute," said Natalie. "Don't you want to talk about this?"
    "After lunch, partner. I do my best thinking on a full stomach."
    I piled on the Mystery Meat.
    Something was rotten at Emerson Hicky Elementary. That fake principal was dealing dirty at my school, and the whole setup stank like a sweat-sock soufflé.
    Or maybe that was just the cafeteria casserole.
    Either way, Chet Gecko had a full plate of detective work. And it was time to dig in.

6. Hamster Is as Hamster Does
    By the time we finished eating, Natalie and I had planned our next moves. She would fake being sick, which wasn't too hard, given the casserole. While visiting Marge Supial, the nurse, Natalie would listen in on the principal's office next door.

    I decided to track down Principal Zero's garbage. A man's garbage can tell you a lot about him. Like what kind of candy bars he eats, or what work he does, or whether he's been doing a little kidnapping lately.
    With luck, I might catch the janitor with Principal Zero's trash still in his cart. The clock showed ten minutes left in lunch period. Natalie and I split on our separate missions.
    "Meet you after school by the flagpole," I said. "Make sure you're not followed."

    Natalie winked at me and began staggering toward the lunch monitors.
    "Oooh, I don't feel so good." She moaned like a movie star in search of an Oscar. "Everything's getting hazy."
    That Natalie. What an actress.
    I hotfooted it for the janitor's office. I didn't relish digging through huge bins of spoiled food to find Principal Zero's trash. I hoped the janitor's cart was still there.
    Luck was with me.
    I walked up to the cart and reached into the plastic trash barrel. Garbage from two buildings' worth of wastebaskets greeted me. This wasn't going to be easy. I started looking for telltale candy wrappers.
    Like me, the