The Criminal Alphabet Read Free Page B

a game that is littered with slang. Sometimes
     known as the heavy (because of the heavy prison sentences it
     attracts), or ‘pavement work’ (when it’s robbing security vans in the street), or
     just work (because professional robbers class themselves as working
     men; it just so happens that robbing at gunpoint is their job). In order to carry
     out an armed robbery, you need certain tools of the trade, such as a ‘shooter’
     (gun), a smother (mask), turtles (gloves), a happy bag (the bag used to carry firearms to and the cash from
     the job) and a ‘jam jar’ (getaway car). Once you have the tools, you’ll do a ‘recce’
     (reconnaissance) on your target, whether it be a ‘jug’ (bank – from the days when
     people buried their money in a pot or jug) or the corey (security
     vehicle), unless, that is, you are just going out on ‘spec’ (speculation). You must
     keep your eyes open for police obbo posts (observation points) or a ready-eye (police ambush) by the Sweeney (the Flying Squad). Once you go across the pavement (start a robbery) you must be on guard for any ‘have-a-gos’
     (members of the public who want to be heroes) and go for the prize.

    Of course, once I took
     up armed robbery as a career it was odds-on that I’d be spending some time in
     prison, and prison is a place that is rich in slang. When in prison, doing bird (bird lime = time) or serving your stretch, whether it be
     a shit and a shave (a very short sentence), a carpet (three months; the time it takes a prisoner to make a
     rug for his cell), or even ‘the big L’ (a life sentence), you need to switch on and
     tune in, or you’ll be the one left wearing the paper hat.

THE OUT
----

1. The Language of Crime
    The
Concise Oxford English
     Dictionary
defines crime as ‘an offence against an individual or the state
     which is punishable by law’. Very concise. But that definition hardly begins to
     scrape the surface of the myriad crimes that exist in this country alone. And for
     every crime there is a whole language of slang that, in the criminal world, relates
     to it. The successive governments of Tony Blair and Gordon Brown introduced over
     four thousand new laws in just over ten years, which, in effect, means that these
     days you can end up with a criminal record without even breaking a sweat. But let us
     suppose, just for the sake of simplicity, that you have found yourself on the wrong
     side of the law or, even worse, been convicted and sent to prison. To survive in
     this environment, you must, at the very least, understand the language. Of course,
     it may be that you’re determined to make crime your career (a lot of people do, but
     it isn’t something I’d recommend). In that case, you’ll have to start somewhere, and
     that would be choosing the sort of criminal activity that appeals to you and which
     you might be good at. And to know exactly what is on offer for the novice criminal,
     it’s important to understand the language. For example, there’d be no point asking
     you to ‘get your boys, turtles and smother for a
     bit of aggy ’, as you, at this stage, would have no idea what was
     being said. If you’re going to be at it , you’ll have to be familiar
     with the world and language of crime, even if you’re coming in at the ground floor,
     so to speak. All criminals, petty or professional, casual or career, are after what
     is known in criminal circles as the ‘ prize’. The prize can be cash,
     jewels, gold, silver or any other item worth stealing. No thief – with perhaps the
     exception ofjoyriders and kleptomaniacs – will go out stealing
     just for the fun of it: everybody is after something. The prize is, however, not to
     be confused with ‘the big one’. The big one is the ultimate prize, enough loot to
     allow the criminal to retire to sunnier climes. Very few criminals ever manage to
     pull off the big one, though it has been known – think of the Great Train Robbery