The Body Language Rules Read Free

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    Words: 7 percent

    tone of voice: 38 percent

    nonverbal: 55 percent 4 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

    Your second killer fact: how you use these three forms of communication can make all the difference between successful communications that have meaning and effect and the type that nobody believes or notices . Congruence is key .

    A BRief guide To CongRuenCe This is the perfect communication, meaning your words, tone, and nonverbal gestures are all dancing to the same rumba . They give out a matching message and they complement one another . This means you'll look honest, genuine, as though you really mean what you're saying . Congruent bodytalk is going to be your goal throughout this book .

    It's vital that your communications look congruent . You'd think this would be easy enough when you genuinely do mean what you say, but it's not . Incongruent communication doesn't just happen when you're lying or trying to mask or deceive . Your body language signals can go skidding out of kilter for several reasons . The most common one is shyness or embarrassment . Shyness produces physical awkwardness . The more you feel you're being watched or scrutinized the more awkward your body language becomes, so by the time you try to speak it's unlikely you'll manage to produce a full set of signals . h O W B O D y LA n g U Ag e W O Rk S 5

    You could tell a client you're pleased to see them and this could well be true, but if shyness makes your eyes flick to the floor as you say it, or your handshake is weak, or you fold your arms into a protective barrier, it's unlikely they will believe what you've just told them .

    TIPS On hOW TO LOOk cOngRUenT

    I Focus on your goals before you speak . This will motivate

    you, making your words feel real, which should

    make your gestures feel genuine, rather than coming

    across as rehearsed .

    I Sell your message to yourself first . If you believe what you're

    saying, then your body will fall into synchronization .

    I Avoid exaggerations when you're trying to be convincing . The

    more you stress your point the more chance your

    gestures will let you down .

    I control your breathing and de-stress your body before you

    speak . When pressure builds up your muscles tense,

    making natural-looking body language impossible .

    Breathe out slowly to relax your body and give your

    hands and feet a little shake to relax the muscles in

    your arms and legs .

    I If your shoulder muscles are tense, then your entire body

    will look awkward . Drop them back and down and

    stretch your neck upward as this will unlock

    your posture . 6 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

    I genuine gestures precede your words by a split second . If you

    feel yourself struggling to add a gesture to endorse

    something you said, drop it and do something else

    with your hands .

    I Talk to yourself in a full-length mirror . If you're not naturally

    a body language chatterbox you could feel awkward

    when you do start endorsing your words with

    gestures . One small workout every day will make

    you look and feel more confident .

    I Visualize yourself talking and gesticulating . The imagination

    is a powerful tool and spending a few moments

    doing some virtual rehearsal will be almost as good

    as the real thing .

    I congruence can also apply to group scenarios . When you're

    with other people, sitting or standing like them is

    called postural congruence and can imply group

    uniformity or acceptance .

    A BRief guide To inCongRuenCe Okay, who stepped out of line and who stepped on whose toes? This is where your words are doing a tango; your vocal tone's waltzing while your body language is busy break dancing . Your signals just don't match, which makes anyone watching think there's something fishy about your main point . You don't look as though you mean what you h O W B O D y LA n g U Ag e W O Rk S 7

    say . Even your own body's not convinced . I also call this type of body language Personal