where you go to place your hand in your pocket but then quickly pull it out again because 10 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S
you don't feel the gesture is appropriate . This is a natural stage of learning, but you need to move out of it as quickly as possible as it will imply incongruence . Try telling yourself what you do want your hands to do, instead of what you don't .
Shortfall signals are those that appear to be an under- reaction to stimulus . For instance, you lose out on a job you wanted but sit poker-faced, wearing the slightest hint of a frown . Everyone knows you're seething inside and if this form of masking doesn't work it will look incon- gruent . Take yourself to the next level of honesty if you can, or leave the room to let rip out of earshot .
A BRief guide To oveRCongRuenCe This is when your words, tone, and nonverbal signals are all in step--which is good--but you're trying too hard and getting carried away--which is bad . Your tone is too strong and your movements are too exaggerated . You look like a very bad conman . Or a politician . Nobody's that convinced about what they're saying . Take a cold shower and calm down . Come back when you can manage to look sincere .
Overcongruent communications are the enemy of sincerity, so avoid them at all costs . Cheesy doesn't sell unless you're employed by a TV shopping channel . h O W B O D y LA n g U Ag e W O Rk S 11
Also known as overkill signals, overcongruent deliv- eries are almost more of a pain . They used to be quite rare, apart from the odd TV expert, but now the cult of overcongruence has reached a town near you . It involves overdone gestures and facial expressions that squeeze the last breath of sincerity out of any communication .
Overcongruence is Tony Blair going misty-eyed and blinking back the tears over any subject matter that could be labeled "a little bit sad ." It's Prime Minister Gordon Brown playing at a giant invisible piano as he stabs the air in a downward thrust with two index fingers as he talks about nothing very important . It's the girl at the check-out counter asking how you're feeling today with a fixed grin, and it's the team leader who's jumping up and down like an overexcited cheer- leader as he heads up yet another dreary, soul-rotting team-building day .
Get it too right and you'll get it all wrong and people will hate you because they can sniff out a phony a mile off .
hOW TO AVOID OVeRcOngRUence
I keep your hand gestures within the zone of congruence--that is,
between your shoulders and your waist . The higher they get
the less congruent you look .
I Ask yourself: am I genuinely a wild and zany person with a 12 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S
barrel-load of enthusiasm for my subject? If the answer is
"no" (and it's best to be honest) then tone it down
several notches .
I get in front of that full-length mirror and work your way through
a decreasing scale of body language wackiness . Repeat this
phrase: "We sell the biggest products for the
smallest prices" and try to look as though you mean
it . Begin with wild arm waving and work downward
until you're virtually immobile . Then work your
way back up until you reach the level of movement
that works .
BRief guide To mAsking But not all your body language will be about projecting your "ideal" message . Unlike animals, humans spend a vast amount of time trying to suppress their negative signals . This suppression of thoughts and feelings is known as "body language masking ." When animals mask they tend to do so for personal survival . Apes tend to mask pain and illness because in the wild any sign of weakness could lead to them being attacked . However, while most animals signal their other thoughts and emotions freely and honestly, inhibited humans prefer to throw a modesty blanket around any spontaneous or instinctive displays . Like prudish Victorians covering up chair and table legs, h O W B O D y LA n g U Ag e W O Rk S
you don't feel the gesture is appropriate . This is a natural stage of learning, but you need to move out of it as quickly as possible as it will imply incongruence . Try telling yourself what you do want your hands to do, instead of what you don't .
Shortfall signals are those that appear to be an under- reaction to stimulus . For instance, you lose out on a job you wanted but sit poker-faced, wearing the slightest hint of a frown . Everyone knows you're seething inside and if this form of masking doesn't work it will look incon- gruent . Take yourself to the next level of honesty if you can, or leave the room to let rip out of earshot .
A BRief guide To oveRCongRuenCe This is when your words, tone, and nonverbal signals are all in step--which is good--but you're trying too hard and getting carried away--which is bad . Your tone is too strong and your movements are too exaggerated . You look like a very bad conman . Or a politician . Nobody's that convinced about what they're saying . Take a cold shower and calm down . Come back when you can manage to look sincere .
Overcongruent communications are the enemy of sincerity, so avoid them at all costs . Cheesy doesn't sell unless you're employed by a TV shopping channel . h O W B O D y LA n g U Ag e W O Rk S 11
Also known as overkill signals, overcongruent deliv- eries are almost more of a pain . They used to be quite rare, apart from the odd TV expert, but now the cult of overcongruence has reached a town near you . It involves overdone gestures and facial expressions that squeeze the last breath of sincerity out of any communication .
Overcongruence is Tony Blair going misty-eyed and blinking back the tears over any subject matter that could be labeled "a little bit sad ." It's Prime Minister Gordon Brown playing at a giant invisible piano as he stabs the air in a downward thrust with two index fingers as he talks about nothing very important . It's the girl at the check-out counter asking how you're feeling today with a fixed grin, and it's the team leader who's jumping up and down like an overexcited cheer- leader as he heads up yet another dreary, soul-rotting team-building day .
Get it too right and you'll get it all wrong and people will hate you because they can sniff out a phony a mile off .
hOW TO AVOID OVeRcOngRUence
I keep your hand gestures within the zone of congruence--that is,
between your shoulders and your waist . The higher they get
the less congruent you look .
I Ask yourself: am I genuinely a wild and zany person with a 12 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S
barrel-load of enthusiasm for my subject? If the answer is
"no" (and it's best to be honest) then tone it down
several notches .
I get in front of that full-length mirror and work your way through
a decreasing scale of body language wackiness . Repeat this
phrase: "We sell the biggest products for the
smallest prices" and try to look as though you mean
it . Begin with wild arm waving and work downward
until you're virtually immobile . Then work your
way back up until you reach the level of movement
that works .
BRief guide To mAsking But not all your body language will be about projecting your "ideal" message . Unlike animals, humans spend a vast amount of time trying to suppress their negative signals . This suppression of thoughts and feelings is known as "body language masking ." When animals mask they tend to do so for personal survival . Apes tend to mask pain and illness because in the wild any sign of weakness could lead to them being attacked . However, while most animals signal their other thoughts and emotions freely and honestly, inhibited humans prefer to throw a modesty blanket around any spontaneous or instinctive displays . Like prudish Victorians covering up chair and table legs, h O W B O D y LA n g U Ag e W O Rk S
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