Shampoo Read Free

dog, he is), and Evvy grabbed me again, and
said, “Come walk with me, woman.”

    (I love how he calls me ‘woman’ already, like
it’s his thing for me)

    “ Where are you taking me?” I asked,
funnily enough, after everything I’ve gone through with guys, not
worried at all about wandering the city at midnight with a guy I’d
met just once before at Dan’s birthday.
    “ On a romantic walk.”
    I felt safe. This was a nice guy. Very out of
character for me, attracting a nice one for once.
    It felt delicious.
    “ I seriously have to piss,” Ever
suddenly announced, looking around. He was still holding onto
me.
    “ Charming!”
    “ No, I mean, LIKE REALLY, I’ve been
rounding up you lot all night, and I’m busting. I’m just gonna go
over here and take a leak.”
     
    (romantic walk, my ass!!)
     
    I turned my back as he weed against a store
front. “This is so gross on so many levels…” I trailed off as I
watched a police car pull up to the kerb, and do it’s little ‘bleep
bleep’.
    “ Oh you have to be kidding me!” Ever
near shouted.
    The two cops were out the car and upon him in
seconds. “You know it’s an offence to urinate in public, against a
store front?” one of the cops said.
    “ Please cease that urinating now, or
you’re under arrest.”
    “ I seriously CAN’T, I’m BUSTING –
”
    “ That’s it, put your hands behind
your back, buddy –”
    This is where I seriously started pissing
myself laughing. It was too funny. Ever was seriously still pissing
as he was being handcuffed.
    “ I’m on a date here, fellas, I’ve
gotta make sure she gets home, she’s DRUNK –”
    “ Great date you’ve taken her on,
pissing against a building,” one of the cops said as the other
slapped the handcuffs on him. I laughed harder. Had to put my hands
on my knees, and bend over, my stomach hurt so much.
    “ See, she’s HYSTERICAL, she’s that
drunk, she needs me to look after her –”
    They were leading him to the police car. “Bail
me out, woman –”
    “ You give me YOUR money, and I will,
HAHAHAHAHAHA –”
    That is when I tripped in my heels, stumbled
forward, and slammed into the back of the cop NOT marching Evvy to
the car.
    Ever started pissing himself
laughing.
    Long story short, the cop thought I’d shoved
him, and handcuffed my hands behind my back, too.
    I kept screaming, “I TRIPPED, I TELL YA!! I
FUCKING TRIPPED!!” while Ever just laughed and laughed.
    We seriously could not stop laughing in the
back of the police car, all the way to the city station.
    “ No, stop, stop, this really ISN’T
FUNNY,” I’d splutter, but we just kept laughing and
laughing.
    “ Evvy,” I gasped at one stage. “Your
zipper’s still undone BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA –”
    “ Yeah, I know, but I can’t do it
back up with my hands handcuffed behind my back – ”
    Oh God. We were in fits.
    Even the cops were laughing at us by this
stage.
     

    The cell doors were slammed behind
us.
    “ Thanks for getting me arrested,
woman – ”
    “ Oh, ME? You’re the one that got ME
arrested!! All I did was fall over my own feet – ”
    “ Yeah, but you tackling that cop got
us REALLY arrested– ”
    “ I fucking TRIPPED – ”
    “ Ha ha. Hahaha. That was so fucking
funny.”
    “ Great ‘first date,’
Evvy.”
    “ Best first date EVER.”
     
     
    The cop informed us (eventually) that it was
$500 bail EACH to free ourselves.
    Then he asked for my phone number.
    Ever was all, “Hello! We’re on a first date
here!”
    The cop rolled his eyes. “Good time you’re
showing her, mate – ”
    “ It was, thank you very much. Till
she tackled you.”
    “ I FUCKING TRIPPED!!”
    We paid the bail, me having to ring my sister
and get her to pay over the phone using her credit card.
    Oh my God, SHE WENT OFF.

    (you’d think I’d got arrested)

    Then she laughed (clearly she was still drunk).
“Only you and Evvy could get yourselves arrested. It’s like
matching Dumb with Dumber.”
    “