Romance Read Free

sign?
    DEFENDANT: I cannot…
    PROSECUTOR: I S it the letter “B” ?
    DEFENDANT: It appears to, I…
    PROSECUTOR: What
follows
it?
{Pause)
    DEFENDANT: It is a symbol.
    DEFENDANT: An arrow.
    PROSECUTOR: An arrow. What is it pointing to?
    DEFENDANT: It app …
    PROSECUTOR: Don't tell me what it appears to be. What is it? Is it not the letter “H” ? And are you going to tell me that it is a “ladder” or a “football goal” ? It is the letter “H.” The phrase or ideogram: “B.” Arrow H, or perhaps, Hawaii…
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Objection.
    PROSECUTOR: … or: “B,” to Hawaii. Is that correct?
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Objection.
    DEFENDANT: That is your understanding.
    PROSECUTOR: Indeed it is.
    (JUDGE
sneezes)
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Gesuti…
    PROSECUTOR: One moment… Indeed it is, and the symbol following?
    DEFENDANT: I …
    PROSECUTOR: A “love heart” ? And: following that?
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: … Your Honor …
    PROSECUTOR: I S it a rabbit?
    DEFENDANT: I…
    PROSECUTOR: I S it a rabbit in quotes? Sir …
    (JUDGE
begins sneezing again.)
    PROSECUTOR: … with A Happy Face? What is the happy rabbit a symbol of?
    DEFENDANT: I, urn, Your Honor … ?
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Your Honor, if I might suggest…
(As the
JUDGE
continues sneezing)
    DEFENDANT: I don't think it's a rabbit… Your Honor, I…
    JUDGE: Did I take my pill?
    PROSECUTOR: ARE YOU GOING TO SIT THERE AND TELL ME THAT IS NOT A RABBIT … ? YOU LYING, SICK, PERJURED …
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Objection …
    JUDGE:
(Sneezing)
Gentlemen, gentlemen, may we not have peace?
    DEFENDANT: I, I, I…
    PROSECUTOR: Are you going to tell me that is not a
rabbit}
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Objection, objection, objection.
    JUDGE: May we not have Peace?
    DEFENDANT: I, I, I…
    PROSECUTOR: Are you going to tell me that is not a
Rabbit …}
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: It doesn't look like a rabbit to me.
    PROSECUTOR: Not everyone has the equal capacity to draw a rabbit.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY:
(Of the drawing)
What are those?
    PROSECUTOR: Ears. Those are Ears, those are its Ears, They're Rabbit Ears.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: N O one could draw a rabbit that inexpertly, Your Honor … ?
    JUDGE: Achoo.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: N O one, no one …
    PROSECUTOR: Not everyone, Your Honor, has the God-given ability to draw a rabbit.
    JUDGE: Achoo.
    PROSECUTOR: I can and will present a cavalcade of Expert Witnesses …
    JUDGE: I don't think my prescription is working …
    PROSECUTOR: Your Honor, one moment.
    JUDGE: ACHOO ACHOO ACHOO.
    PROSECUTOR: Expert witnesses, who Cannot Draw a Rabbit.
    JUDGE: Ah, shit, I think I'm going to have to Lay Down.
    End of Scene One.

SCENE TWO
    Small conference room. The
DEFENDANT
and the
DEFENSE ATTORNEY.
Pause.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Well, you know, it looked like a fucken rabbit to
me.
I asked you. Didn't I ask you? Not To Get Up On The Stand? Did I ask you that?
    DEFENDANT: I …
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: It looked like a fucken rabbit to Me.
    DEFENDANT: What if I was not there?
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Ah hell, where?
    DEFENDANT: In Hawaii.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: I don't know anymore.
    DEFENDANT: Well, I'm paying you to know. So just…
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: You're paying me to give you my advice. And my advice was not to get up on the stand, you
got
up …
    DEFENDANT: Yes, I got up on the stand …
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Y OU got up there, and made a fool, not only of yourself, but…
    DEFENDANT: I got up on the stand, because, because I feel…
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: And then he asked you about the Rabbit. “What were you doing in Hawaii with a Happy Rabbit?”
    DEFENDANT: What if I was not there?
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Were you there?
    DEFENDANT: Would you follow me please?
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: If you were not there. One would be hard-pressed to account for the Rabbit and all. “B,” Arrow, Love Heart, to Hawaii, Rabbit. If you were not there. Anyone “reading” them. Would ask you. If you were not there, would ask for your “story.”
    DEFENDANT: For My Story.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Yes.
    DEFENDANT: