Redeeming Love Read Free Page A

arms around Mama’s neck. Her mouth trembled, and she tried not to cry. If she cried, Mama might guess she had been eavesdropping and then she would be angry too.
    Mama held her tightly, her face buried in Sarah’s hair. “We’ll make it through this. You’ll see, sweetheart. We will. We will.”
    Alex didn’t come back, and Mama grew thin and wan. She stayed in bed too late, and when she got up, she didn’t want to go for long walks the way she used to. When she smiled, her eyes didn’t light up. Cleo said she needed to eat more. Cleo said a lot of things, carelessly, with Sarah close enough to hear.
    “He’s still sending you money, Miss Mae. That’s something.”
    “I don’t care about the money.” Mama’s eyes filled up. “I’ve never cared about it.”
    “You’d care if you didn’t have any.”
    Sarah tried to cheer Mama up by bringing her big bouquets of flowers.
    She found pretty stones and washed them, giving them to her as presents.
    Mama always smiled and thanked her, but there was no sparkle in her eyes.
    Sarah sang the songs Mama taught her, sad Irish ballads and a few Latin chants from mass.
    “Mama, why don’t you sing anymore?” Sarah asked, climbing up onto 17
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    the bed with her and setting her doll in the rumpled covers. “You’ll feel better if you sing.”
    Mama brushed her long blonde hair slowly. “I don’t feel much like singing, darling. Mama has a lot on her mind right now.”
    Sarah felt a heaviness growing inside her. It was all her fault. All her fault.
    If she hadn’t been born, Mama would be happy. “Will Alex come back, Mama?”
    Mama looked at her, but Sarah didn’t care. She wouldn’t call him Papa anymore. He had hurt Mama and made her sad. Ever since he’d left, Mama had scarcely paid attention to her. Sarah had even heard Mama tell Cleo that love wasn’t a blessing, it was a curse.
    Sarah glanced at Mama’s face, and her heart sank. She looked so sad. Her thoughts were far away again, and Sarah knew she was thinking of him.
    Mama wanted him to come back. Mama cried at night because he didn’t.
    Mama pressed her face into her pillow at night, but Sarah still heard her sobs.
    She chewed on her lip and lowered her head, playing distractedly with her doll. “What if I got sick and died, Mama?”
    “You won’t get sick,” Mama said, glancing at her. She smiled. “You’re far too young and healthy to die.”
    Sarah watched her mother brushing her hair. It was like sunshine flowing over her pale shoulders. Mama was so pretty. How could Alex not love her? “But if I did, Mama, would he come back and stay with you?”
    Mama went very still. She turned and stared at Sarah, and the horrified look in her eyes frightened her. She shouldn’t have said that. Now Mama might guess she’d heard them fighting.…
    “Don’t ever think that, Sarah.”
    “But—”
    “No! Don’t you ever ask such a question again. Do you understand?”
    Mama had never raised her voice before; Sarah felt her chin quiver. “Yes, Mama.”
    “Never again,” Mama said more gently. “Promise me. None of this has anything to do with you, Sarah.” Mama reached out to pull her into her arms and stroke her tenderly. “I love you, Sarah. I love you so much. I love 18
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    you more than anything or anyone in the whole wide world.”
    Except for him, Sarah thought. Except for Alex Stafford. What if he came back? What if he made Mama choose? What would Mama do then?
    Afraid, Sarah clung to her mother and prayed he would stay away.
    A young man came to see Mama.
    Sarah watched her mother speak with him while Sarah played with her doll near the fireplace. The only people who came to this cottage were Mister Pennyrod, who brought firewood, and Bob. Bob liked Cleo. He worked at the market and teased Cleo about rump roasts and juicy legs o’
    lamb.