Redeeming Love Read Free

care of the whole mess. He would’ve gotten rid—”
    “I couldn’t do it. How could you expect me to kill my unborn child?
    Don’t you understand? It’s a mortal sin.”
    “You’ve spent too much time in church,” he said derisively. “Have you ever thought that you wouldn’t have the problems you do now if you had gotten rid of her the way I told you. It would’ve been easy. But you ran out.”
    “I wanted her!” Mama said brokenly. “She was part of you, Alex, and part of me. I wanted her even if you didn’t.…”
    “Is that the real reason?”
    “You’re hurting me, Alex!”
    Sarah flinched as something shattered. “Is that the real reason, Mae? Or 15
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    did you have her because you thought bearing my child would give you a hold over me you otherwise lacked?”
    “You can’t believe that!” Mama was crying now. “You do, don’t you?
    You’re a fool, Alex. Oh, what have I done? I gave up everything for you! My family, my friends, my self-respect, everything I believed in, every hope I ever had.…”
    “I bought you this cottage. I give you all the money you could possibly need.”
    Mama’s voice rose strangely. “Do you know what it’s like for me to walk down the street in this town? You come and go when and as you please.
    And they know who you are, and they know what I am. No one looks at me. No one speaks to me. Sarah feels it, too. She asked me about it once, and I told her we were different from other people. I didn’t know what else to say.” Her voice broke. “I’ll probably go to hell for what I’ve become.”
    “I’m sick of your guilt and I’m sick of hearing about that child. She’s ruining everything between us. Do you remember how happy we were? We never argued. I couldn’t wait to come to you, to be with you.”
    “Don’t—”
    “And how much time do I have left with you today? Enough? You’ve used it up on her. I told you what would happen, didn’t I? I wish she had never been born!”
    Mama cried out a terrible name. There was a crash. Terrified, Sarah got up and ran. She raced through Mama’s flowers and across the lawn and onto the pathway to the springhouse. She ran until she couldn’t run anymore.
    Gasping, her sides burning, she dropped into the tall grass, her shoulders heaving with sobs, her face streaked with tears. She heard a horse galloping toward her. Scrambling for a better hiding place in the vines about the creek, she peered out and saw her father ride by on his great black horse. Ducking down, she huddled there, crying, and waited for Mama to come fetch her.
    But Mama didn’t come and she didn’t call. After a while, Sarah wandered back to the springhouse and sat by the flowered vines and waited longer. By the time Mama came, Sarah had dried her tears and dusted off her pretty frock. She was still shaking from what she had heard.
    Mama was very pale, her eyes dull and red rimmed. There was a blue 16
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    mark on the side of her face. She had tried to cover it with powder. She smiled, but it wasn’t like her usual smile.
    “Where have you been, darling? I’ve been looking and looking for you.”
    Sarah knew she hadn’t. She had been watching for her. Mama licked her lacy handkerchief and wiped a smudge from Sarah’s cheek. “Your father was called away suddenly on business.”
    “Is he coming back?” Sarah was afraid. She never wanted to see him again. He had hurt Mama and made her cry.
    “Maybe not for a long time. We’ll have to just wait and see. He’s a very busy and important man.” Sarah said nothing, and her Mama lifted her and hugged her close. “It’s all right, sweetheart. You know what we’re going to do? We’re going to go back to the cottage and change our dresses. Then we’ll pack a picnic and go down to the creek. Would you like that?”
    Sarah nodded and put her