Punk'd and Skunked Read Free Page B

is,” I said, holding it high. “I know it’s brilliant. You don’t have to cheer or applaud.”
    â€œWhat is it?” Mrs. Heinie asked.
    â€œIt’s a battery-powered Nose Vac,” I said. “You know. Sometimes it’s hard to blow your nose. Or your nose is feeling kinda stuffed up. But you’re in class, so you can’t really pick it.”
    All three judges squinted at me in silence. I guess they were totally impressed.
    â€œThis has 1000-horsepower suck-ability,” I said. “You hold this nozzle up to your nose, flick it on—and it suctions out your nose so you’ll never have to blow it again.”
    Headmaster Upchuck shook his head and frowned. “I think we’ve seen enough,” he said.
    â€œGet off the stage,” Mr. Skruloose growled.
    â€œNo, wait,” I said. “I have a demonstration. Ithink this will impress you a lot.”
    I called my buddy Feenman out onstage. “Feenman, how’s your nose?” I asked.
    â€œAll stuffed up,” Feenman said, just as we had rehearsed. He sniffed, then gave out six or seven really loud sneezes. By the time he finished, I was soaking wet.
    â€œDon’t overdo it,” I whispered. I turned to the audience. “Watch how the Nose Vac quickly takes care of the problem.”
    I clicked it on. The machine let out a roar. I raised it to Feenman’s nose. The Nose Vac roared and kicked.
    Feenman’s eyes bulged—and he opened his mouth in a HOWL of pain!

    I struggled to pull the Nose Vac off—but it was stuck to his nose !
    â€œGet it off! Get it OFF!” he shrieked.
    I tugged it and twisted it and pulled with all my strength.
    â€œOWWWWW! It hurts! It HURTS!” Feenman wailed.

    â€œShhhh. Quiet,” I said. “You’re ruining our chances.”

    Finally, I clicked the Nose Vac off and dropped it to the stage. Feenman raised a hand to his nose. “It’s inside out !” he shrieked. “You turned my nose INSIDE OUT!”

    I kept a big grin on my face. “It’s supposed to do that!” I told the judges. “That’s Step One.”
    Feenman held his nose and wailed in pain.
    â€œThat scream—that was Step Two!” I said.
    â€œHurry—get Feenman to the nurse!” Mrs. Heinie cried.
    â€œOkay, okay. The Nose Vac has a few bugs,” I said. “But it’s still the best —right?”
    Headmaster Upchuck climbed to his feet. “The judges have reached a decision,” he said.
    â€œMY NOSE!

Chapter 9
AND THE WINNER IS…
    A hush fell over the auditorium. Everyone was silent—except for Feenman, who was still screaming and holding his inside-out nose.
    â€œThe girls’ invention is the best!” Upchuck announced.
    April-May and Sharonda and all the girls in the auditorium went wild, cheering and shouting, jumping in the air and slapping high fives.
    â€œWe’re going to PPP!” they cheered. “We’re going to PPP!”
    I fell to the floor on my knees. I buried my face inmy hands. I could feel my heart breaking in two.
    â€œWe’re going to Preppy Prep Prep!” Sharonda shouted.
    â€œNo, you’re not,” Headmaster Upchuck said.
    The room grew silent again.
    â€œThe girls’ invention is the best,” Upchuck said. “But who cares ? Do you really think I’d give up a chance to get rid of Bernie Bridges for a whole week ?”
    I raised my head. I climbed back to my feet. What was he saying?
    â€œI’ve been dreaming of this moment!” Upchuck said. “I’ve tried locks on my door. I’ve tried locks on Bernie’s door! I’ve tried electric fences! I’ve tried voodoo dolls! Anything to keep Bernie away. And today…today my dream has come true. A whole week without Bernie Bridges!”
    My mouth dropped open. I cupped one ear. Was I really hearing what I was hearing?
    â€œBernie’s invention