Posh and Prejudice Read Free

play
Decapitation Nation
on PS2 and even Cava-Sue takes her clonking great clown’s feet off the sofa and lets him park his bum.
    “’Ere, Wesley, you couldn’t have a look at our khazi could you?!” my mum was shouting through from the kitchen as I came downstairs.
     “It ain’t filling right up when you flush!”
    “Mother! Wesley don’t wanna look at our khazi!” I said, looking around for my other hoop earring.
    “Oh, I don’t mind, innit,” Wesley said smiling. “I got some tools in the trunk too if need be.”
    “In the trunk, Wesley!?” shouted Mum. “You don’t wanna be carrying those tools round with you in yer trunk! They’ll get stolen
     round ’ere.”
    “Well he never knows when he’ll need them, Mum,” I said, trying not to sound narky. “He never knows when we might have a bloody
     toilet emergency.” Wesley laughed and started to go upstairs.
    “’Ere, Wesley love, do you want a sandwich?” shouted Mum. “I got a can of corned beef opened here for the dog.”
    “Nah, Mrs. W!” shouted Wesley. “I’m taking Shiraz for some nosh before we go to the AMC Loews, innit.”
    “Oooh! Out for a meal!?” gasped my mum. “Very posh. ’Ere, you’ve got a good one there, Shiraz! I never got taken for no food
     when I was courting, did I, Brian? You never bought me a meal.”
    “You’d never have shut up long enough to eat it,” muttered my dad from behind his
Daily Star.
    “What’s that?” shouted my mother.
    “I said, I was so in love I never felt like eating,” said my dad.
    After half an hour of Wesley crouching in our bathroom with his head in the toilet tank we finally left.
    Me and Wesley went to Shanghai Shanghai in Romford Plaza for the All You Can Eat buffet, then we went to see
TurboChase Terror II
starring The Rock and Carmen Electra. The movie was about some geezer who had stolen a diamond but he didn’t know he’d stolen
     it until he was being chased by The Rock and was being propositioned by Carmen Electra who spent the whole of the film lying
     about on car hoods wearing tops that didn’t fit her. I didn’t really want to watch
TurboChase Terror II,
but Wesley was proper keen. I wanted to watch this film called
The Magician’s Maze
that I saw a thing about on telly the other night. It’s about these kids who are left to run the world after a big nuclear
     war. Proper creepy it looked. But Wesley saw on the poster that it had subtitles and he was like no way.
    “Aw, Shiz, I just wanna watch something. I don’t wanna read too, innit,” he said, when we were choosing our buffet. “I don’t
     wanna feel like I’m back at school.”
    “Oh… S’alright,” I said. “I ain’t bothered.” I tried to pull my face like I wasn’t bothered but Wesley could see I was a bit
     so he paid the extra two quid a head so I could eat stuff from the duck section.
    Like I say, he’s well lovely like that, is my Wesley.

MONDAY 25TH AUGUST
    Today was PROPER WEIRD.
    On Mondays Mario always gets obsessed with bleaching the teacups. Don’t flaming ask me why. He seems to think it’s well important
     that the clientele always get a proper sparkling white teacup, when obviously BACK IN THE REAL WORLD it totally isn’t. Half
     the geezers who come in Mr. Yolk for Set Breakfast C wouldn’t give a monkey’s if you served them tea in one of my Nan’s old
     fluffy slippers with a corn bandage that fell off in the toe. They ain’t fussy. But I don’t argue with Mr. Yolk as to be honest
     it’s quite nice having a bit of time out back faffing about with my yellow rubber gloves on, listening to KISS 100.
    So anyway, it’s 10 AM and I’m at the sink up to my elbows in Clorox when Mario comes in and he goes, “Hey Shirelle, your little friend is here
     to see you.” So I’m like, “Which one?” And he goes “One with all pink mouth and surprise face,” so I know right away he means
     Carrie ’cos Mario has never understood what’s going on with Carrie’s