Nanny Piggins and the Pursuit of Justice Read Free

such thing! The smell of cake does not make anybody insane. On the contrary, it makes you more sane. It puts everything in perspective and makes sense of the world. One whiff of that buttery cocoa-laden bliss and instantly you know there is nothing more important in the entire universe than putting that in your mouth.’
    ‘Yes yes, you can say that when they put you on the stand,’ encouraged Montgomery. ‘It will support my argument nicely.’
    ‘Hold my handbag,’ Nanny Piggins said toSamantha. ‘I’m going to bite him.’
    Fortunately for the trouser legs of Montgomery St John’s Armani suit, Nanny Piggins never got the opportunity to bite him because at that very moment the bailiff called out, ‘All rise for the Honourable Judge Birchmore.’
    Everyone stood up, except Montgomery. He went very pale and started to shake. ‘That bailiff didn’t say Judge Birchmore, did he? Perhaps he said Judge Darmon or Judge Hsu?’
    ‘No, he definitely said Birchmore,’ Michael assured him.
    ‘Oh no!’ said Montgomery, beginning to tremble.
    ‘What’s wrong?’ asked Michael.
    ‘She’s awful,’ whispered Montgomery. ‘She’s so mean to everyone. The only reason I got to be senior defence counsel at our firm is because she made the last two senior defence counsels cry and quit the law forever.’
    ‘What did she do to them?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    ‘Make rude comments about their weight?’ guessed Boris. (That always reduced him to tears.)
    ‘Or force them to do extra maths homework,’ guessed Michael. (That would certainly break his spirit.)
    ‘No, she was just plain mean,’ shuddered Montgomery. ‘The way she can yell and scream at a lawyer is horrifying. I don’t know how she does it. I think it involves circular breathing and excellent voice projection.’
    Just then there was a shuffle of movement behind the magistrate’s desk.
    ‘She’s coming,’ said Michael.
    ‘You’ll have to excuse me a moment,’ said Montgomery. ‘I left my chapstick in the car.’
    ‘What?’ protested Nanny Piggins.
    But Montgomery St John had already sprinted out of the courtroom.
    ‘He is coming back, isn’t he?’ worried Samantha.
    ‘Of course,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘He’s a professional lawyer. He can’t just run away from the courtroom.’
    Unfortunately Nanny Piggins’ words were immediately contradicted by what they all saw out the courtroom window. They saw Montgomery run to his expensive Italian sports car, jump in and speed away.
    ‘He said he left the chapstick in his car, not his house, didn’t he?’ said Nanny Piggins.
    ‘Silence in the court,’ called the bailiff.
    They turned and looked at Judge Birchmore. She seemed harmless enough to the children. She was a small wizened old lady of at least 75, perhaps even 80 years old. But Nanny Piggins was not so confident. ‘I don’t like this,’ she whispered.
    ‘You’re worried because your defence lawyer just ran away,’ guessed Michael.
    ‘No, I’m worried that the judge is so thin,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘She clearly hasn’t had a slice of cake in decades. And if she doesn’t eat cake, how can I bribe her?’
    Judge Birchmore looked up from her papers and peered out at the courtroom, her gaze resting on Boris. ‘Why is that bear crying?’ she demanded.
    Nanny Piggins stood up. ‘Because he is worried that I may be sent to jail, your Justiceness.’
    Judge Birchmore peered over her glasses at Nanny Piggins. ‘Well he’ll be sent to jail himself if he doesn’t stop blubbering in my courtroom.’
    ‘Michael, perhaps you’d better take Boris outside,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Being Russian, I don’t think he is capable of going through a whole court case without crying. And I don’t think prison food would agree with him. I doubt they would supply bear-sized portions.’
    Michael led the weeping Boris away.
    ‘Where’s your lawyer?’ demanded Judge Birchmore.
    ‘He ran away,’ said Nanny Piggins truthfully.
    ‘Hmm,’