Mrs. Jafee Is Daffy! Read Free

about yoga.”
    “YOGA?!”
    “You mean we’re gonna learn about that little dude in Star Wars ?” I asked.
    “That’s Yoda, dumbhead,” said Andrea, rolling her eyes.
    “I knew that,” I lied.
    “My dad told me there was a guy named Yoga who played for the Yankees,” said Michael.
    “That’s Yogi, dumbhead,” said Ryan.
    “Yoga is a way to achieve inner peace and tranquillity by performing specific body positions.”
    I didn’t know what the swami guy was talking about.
    “This is the camel pose,” he said, getting down on his knees and leaning his head all the way back. “And this is the cobra pose. And this is the fish pose.”
    Swami Havabanana twisted himself up into a bunch of weird positions.
    “Can we do the football pose?” asked Neil the nude kid.
    “I never heard of that one,” Swami said. “But who wants to try a yoga pose?”
    “Me! Me! Me! Me!” shouted Andrea, waving her hand around like she was washing a window.
    Andrea volunteers for everything so teachers will like her. If a teacher said they needed a kid to jump off the roof, Andrea would volunteer.
    Of course Swami Havabanana picked her.
    “I need a boy, too,” he said.
    Me and the guys looked at our feet so we wouldn’t get picked. If you look at yourfeet, the teacher will never call on you. That’s the first rule of being a kid.
    The only problem was that Ryan, Michael, and Neil were all fake coughing into their hands and muttering “A.J…. A.J…. A.J.”
    “Where is A.J.?” asked Swami Havabanana.
    “Over there!” all the guys said, pointing at me. Michael gave me a shove, and Swami told me to stand next to Andrea.
    Mrs. Jafee said she had to go check on the other classes.
    “I betcha Swami Havabanana will have you guys and gals very relaxed!” she said. “Okeydokey, I’ll be back in a jiffy to seehow A.J. and Andrea are making out.”
    “Oooooh!” Ryan said. “A.J. and Andrea are going to be making out! They must be in love !”
    “When are you gonna get married?” asked Michael.
    If those guys weren’t my best friends, I would hate them.

5
I Thought I Was Gonna Die
    Swami Havabanana told me and Andrea to stand back-to-back and link our elbows together.
    “Ewww, disgusting!” I said. “Her butt is touching my butt.”
    “Oh, be quiet, Arlo,” said Andrea.
    “This is called the double chair pose,” Swami said. “As you lean against eachother, take a few small steps forward.”

    I leaned against Andrea and took a tiny step forward. Andrea took a tiny step forward. I took another step forward. Andrea took another step forward. After a few more steps forward, it was like me and Andrea were sitting on back-to-back chairs, except that there were no chairs! It would have been cool if it had been anybody except Andrea.
    “See?” said Swami Havabanana. “They are like matching chairs.”
    “Oooooh!” Ryan said. “A.J. and Andrea are like matching chairs! They must be in love !”
    “Yoga means ‘to join,’” Swami Havabanana said, as he helped me and Andrea up. “It will take us on a journey of discovery as we go in search of the life force that will awaken every cell and balance our mind, body, and spirit.”
    “Can we just go play football?” asked Neil the nude kid.
    “Football is a game of violence and aggression,” the swami said.
    “Yeah,” I told him. “That’s why we want to play it.”
    Swami told us all to sit on the floor withour legs crossed. Then we had to take our feet and sort of cross our legs again . I thought I was gonna die . Now I know what it feels like to be a pretzel.
    “Very good!” said Swami Havabanana. “That is called the lotus position.”
    He taught us a bunch of other positions, like the downward dog, the roaring lion, the flying crow, and the sleeping tortoise. * Swami Havabanana said we could invent our own poses, too.
    “Look, I can touch my toes,” said Emily.
    “I can crack my knuckles,” said Michael.
    “I can crack my nose,” said