Love Rewards The Brave

Love Rewards The Brave Read Free

Book: Love Rewards The Brave Read Free
Author: Anya Monroe
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police car
    screaming she was innocent.
    As if somehow that is relevant.
    Because the only two people who
    are innocent
    were sitting in a cold waiting room
    until a stranger came to pick them up
    to take them somewhere.
     
    “Safe,” she’d said.
    “Clean,” she’d said.
    “Warm,” she’d said.
     
    But those words felt like
    I was being locked up
    from everything
    I'd known
    every single day.
     
    And
    That
    Feels
    Like
    I
    Am
    The
    One
    Leaving
    In
    A
    Police
    Car.
     
     

19.
     
    Benji and I sit on a park bench
    trying to “connect.”
    A scheduled appointment is what our relationship has
    become.
    It’s not fair.
    Being stared
    at by a court-appointed adult
    who watches us the entire time we talk.
    God–– do I really need a babysitter at sixteen?
     
    "So what’s been happening with you? You keep leaving me
    hanging."
     
    I ask a question he can't answer.
    The  answer is something too hard to transfer
    to phonetic sounds and syllables
    some sort of complicated lulls
    in time and space.
    And even if he could say why he acts this way
    I know it would do no good,
    not when the real question isn't
    for him or me
    or Ms. Francine.
    Not for Terry or Jess-
    It’s for the man and woman who left
    a long time ago.
     
    "At the group home, they're so hard on me. It’s like every time I try and do anything or go somewhere, they make me stay in my room. It sucks. I'm a prisoner, Lou. Take me with you. Please."
     
    His knuckles crack as he shifts
    his feelings to his fingers.
    Hoping the sensation will make him
    feel more alive
    ready to dive
    into this hard conversation.
     
    "Benji, I wish I could. It just isn't time yet. And maybe mom will show up this month. And then things would change."
     
    That makes him fidget
    tap his fingers more
    focus his eyes on the floor.
     
    "Nothing’s gonna change, Lou-Lou. Not as long as we sit here waiting on them. Why are you being such a bitch about it? We could just leave. No one would ever need to know where we went. We could be a family again."
     
    I flinch when he calls me out
    for not being the person he needs.
    As if I’m choosing this life-long reprieve
    from normal.
     
    I WANT NORMAL.
     
    I don't want to be living with Ms. Francine.
    But I have something Benji never got.
    The understanding that sometimes
    the life you are living
    is your lot.
     
    "Benji, I'm not picking anything or anyone but you. I want to be with you. That’s why you need to do your best and be real good and then they’ll let you live with me again, in Ms. F's house."
     
    I want to believe in him.
    But I know the way he’s knocked over the tables
    in the social worker’s office.
    I know how school won't let him come back because
    he’s a learning disturbance.
    I know that at twelve years old
    the only time he was told
    NO
    and accepted it
    was from me.
    Scratch that.
    NO is not a part of our history.
    We were always taught to say
    YES.
     

20.
     
    He’s scratching his face now.
    Fighting hard to breathe now.
    Screaming about the way it used to be now.
    And the lady at the park
    the one who watches our moves
    and makes us talk in whispers
    so she will approve
    is making her way to the bench on which we sit.
    Making her way through the sand
    to tell him it’s time to go.
    I just wish she’d see
    that he’d do so much better if
    you just let him have his fit.
    Let him get all those feelings out
    instead of making him push them back down.
    Way down.
     
    We get in the car.
    Benji screaming at everything.
    Because he can't handle anything the truth
    that he’s alone
    And that everyone left him
    to stand on his own.
    Own two feet.
    He doesn't believe he can
    bear the weight of his body.
    So instead
    he
    crumbles.
     
     

21.
     
    Ms. Francine is in the kitchen when I get home.
     
    "How was your time with Benji?"
     
    She asks in the sort of way
    that makes you feel
    like she already knows the whole deal.
    The whole story from someone else's mouth.
    Like someone is in more

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