kid recited an expansive list of high-end computer games and gadgets, he hopped off, stuck his tongue out at me, and kicked me in the shin for emphasis.
“Another name for the lump of coal list!” I shouted after him nastily, rubbing my leg. It was all I could do since his father had detached from the Borg and stood patting his offspring’s head.
After most of Central Pennsylvania’s children kicked, puked and peed on me, my shift was done. And so was I. The next shift arrived; we traded places and I limped toward Chi-Chi’s department store.
Shopping while wearing Sparkle was a no brainer , even if I did smell like slightly used diapers. The store clerks were instructed to add a thirty percent discount toward Sparkle purchases, even on top of sales and coupons. I clutched the precious fifty percent employee coupon I’d received with my last paycheck, and wandered in, holding my breath and hoping my purchases would amount to free – or maybe even cash back?
After a quick sprint of selective looting and pillaging from Kids Wear to Housewares, I stood in line with my arms aching and full. Package handles and hangers sliced into my fingers like cheese. I was happy.
I made it to the register and dumped my stash on the counter. “Do you have any coupons?” the clerk asked.
“Yes!” I produced my crumpled half-off coupon from behind the mountain of merchandise. She took it, then looked at me sympathetically. “Oh, I didn’t see your Santa Sparkle from behind your pile,” she said. “You’re wearing a Chi-Chi button somewhere, right?”
I panicked and fumbled around my vest front at the fifty or so store buttons pinned to it. It stuck me in the finger and I began to bleed. “Here!” I shoved the button at her with my un-pricked hand, while sucking my thumb.
“Thank you, and here – you wouldn’t want to bleed on your purchases,” she said nicely, handing me a paper towel.
Well, I guess she has to be nice . She’s probably a Lancaster native. It still makes me uneasy, especially around the holidays. I mean, who’s nice to you at Christmas? Especially when you’re bleeding.
She rang everything up. The total came to a little over four hundred dollars. I felt my credit card wilt inside my wallet.
“Now, let’s add your mall employee coupon, along with your Sparkle discount!” she added brightly.
M y heart began to beat again and I exhaled.
“That will be $138.80.”
“That’s great!”
“But wait , there was a fifty percent coupon in the paper.”
I sighed. “Sorry, I don’t get the paper. I don’t have that coupon.”
“No worries , we have one here.” She held up a pristinely cut-out coupon, complete with bar code. “Lots of people forget them. The store wants you to come back, see? Now, it probably won’t take because of your other discounts. But let’s try.”
She scanned the coupon and we heard a beep. She smiled at me. “Your total is $69.40.”
Yippee!
She handed me several miles of receipts along with my bags.
“Oh! Wait! Do you have any boxes?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Not here, but if you go upstairs to customer service they do. And, if you’re willing to wait in line, just show them your receipt and they’ll wrap everything for free.”’
Free? Wow. You can’t beat that. I wondered if they’d wrap frozen soup. Maybe if I gave them some? With the money I’d saved, I could splurge and make beef bourguignon for all of Chi-Chi’s staff – it’s to die for.
I took my stuff and made my way toward the escalator. From there, I schlepped toward the back of the store, and joined the end of a line I sensed was waiting for their free gift wrapping, too. I took my place behind a determined Grandma and her BFF.
“You bet! Why should we buy wrap when they’ll wrap for free?”
“You don’t have to tell me twice. Besides, how’s anyone supposed to wrap with no tape? I can’t find tape anywhere.”
I winced , remembering my mission for Aunt Muriel. And
“Another name for the lump of coal list!” I shouted after him nastily, rubbing my leg. It was all I could do since his father had detached from the Borg and stood patting his offspring’s head.
After most of Central Pennsylvania’s children kicked, puked and peed on me, my shift was done. And so was I. The next shift arrived; we traded places and I limped toward Chi-Chi’s department store.
Shopping while wearing Sparkle was a no brainer , even if I did smell like slightly used diapers. The store clerks were instructed to add a thirty percent discount toward Sparkle purchases, even on top of sales and coupons. I clutched the precious fifty percent employee coupon I’d received with my last paycheck, and wandered in, holding my breath and hoping my purchases would amount to free – or maybe even cash back?
After a quick sprint of selective looting and pillaging from Kids Wear to Housewares, I stood in line with my arms aching and full. Package handles and hangers sliced into my fingers like cheese. I was happy.
I made it to the register and dumped my stash on the counter. “Do you have any coupons?” the clerk asked.
“Yes!” I produced my crumpled half-off coupon from behind the mountain of merchandise. She took it, then looked at me sympathetically. “Oh, I didn’t see your Santa Sparkle from behind your pile,” she said. “You’re wearing a Chi-Chi button somewhere, right?”
I panicked and fumbled around my vest front at the fifty or so store buttons pinned to it. It stuck me in the finger and I began to bleed. “Here!” I shoved the button at her with my un-pricked hand, while sucking my thumb.
“Thank you, and here – you wouldn’t want to bleed on your purchases,” she said nicely, handing me a paper towel.
Well, I guess she has to be nice . She’s probably a Lancaster native. It still makes me uneasy, especially around the holidays. I mean, who’s nice to you at Christmas? Especially when you’re bleeding.
She rang everything up. The total came to a little over four hundred dollars. I felt my credit card wilt inside my wallet.
“Now, let’s add your mall employee coupon, along with your Sparkle discount!” she added brightly.
M y heart began to beat again and I exhaled.
“That will be $138.80.”
“That’s great!”
“But wait , there was a fifty percent coupon in the paper.”
I sighed. “Sorry, I don’t get the paper. I don’t have that coupon.”
“No worries , we have one here.” She held up a pristinely cut-out coupon, complete with bar code. “Lots of people forget them. The store wants you to come back, see? Now, it probably won’t take because of your other discounts. But let’s try.”
She scanned the coupon and we heard a beep. She smiled at me. “Your total is $69.40.”
Yippee!
She handed me several miles of receipts along with my bags.
“Oh! Wait! Do you have any boxes?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Not here, but if you go upstairs to customer service they do. And, if you’re willing to wait in line, just show them your receipt and they’ll wrap everything for free.”’
Free? Wow. You can’t beat that. I wondered if they’d wrap frozen soup. Maybe if I gave them some? With the money I’d saved, I could splurge and make beef bourguignon for all of Chi-Chi’s staff – it’s to die for.
I took my stuff and made my way toward the escalator. From there, I schlepped toward the back of the store, and joined the end of a line I sensed was waiting for their free gift wrapping, too. I took my place behind a determined Grandma and her BFF.
“You bet! Why should we buy wrap when they’ll wrap for free?”
“You don’t have to tell me twice. Besides, how’s anyone supposed to wrap with no tape? I can’t find tape anywhere.”
I winced , remembering my mission for Aunt Muriel. And
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