Lizz Lund - Mina Kitchen 02 - Christmas Bizarre Read Free

walkie-talkies.
    “What is it?” he barked.
    “We can’t take any pictures and there’s already a line.”
    He grunted. “She rebooted the system again, right?”
    “Dunno,” I lied. “When can you be here?”
    “Right behind you.”
    I whirled around to see Nelson slinging his walkie-talkie onto the seat next to him as he whirred past me on a golf cart. Which he really didn’t need. He could have used the exercise. Nelson is quite talented, computer-wise. Unfortunately, all those years sitting in front of a computer hasn’t really helped his physique. He rolled off the cart and huffed toward me, and immediately began tapping away on the keyboard to save the day.
    “How long do you think it will take?” I gazed nervously at the growing line.
    “How do I know?” he snapped.
    I held my breath, counted to ten, and began again. “How long do you think I should advise these families that they’re going to wait?”
    “Forever.”
    I bit my lip, turned around and headed toward the frustrated mob. While the crowd was comprised of exhausted parents scouring the Earth for bargains, even they had to be less hostile than Nelson.
    “Hi! Look folks, Santa’s run into a teensy-weensy technical glitch, so we’ll be a little while longer before we start taking pictures.”
    A collective groan and various uncomplimentary comments hurtled forth.
    “In the meantime,” I yelled above the din, “here are some advance store discount coupons, so you can take a jump on your holiday shopping, and not have to wait in line!”
    “I stood on line for two hours last night and you closed up on us! I had to take a vacation day just to get my kid onto Santa’s lap this morning!”
    “Hey, me too!”
    “Yeah, I thought I recognized you.”
    I sighed. I was wondering how I could get assigned to another shift sans Sheree. “I’m very, very sorry. We’re doing the best we can.” It was lame, but truthful.
    An older lady with her Shirley Temple cloned granddaughter trotted up to me, as I moved down the line doling out coupons. “Excuse me, but you wouldn’t happen to have any coupons for Carols Cards ‘n Wraps?”
    I rummaged around and shuffled my discount deck. “Umm… yes, actually I do.” I held out the coupon. She snatched it from my fingers and hustled away as her grandkid stomped her patent-leather feet. “No, no, no! Grammy’s coming back here with you later, after we find some tape!” she shouted, hustling the tapping child away.
    “Tape?” someone in the line called out. Immediately, several families followed behind, noses toward the ground in search of the scarce commodity.
    I put the Cookie Break sign up, to keep the line from expanding farther while Nelson fixed his sights on keeping us from computer doomsday.
    A kid at the back scowled at me. “I wanna see Santa NOW!”
    “Very soon. Santa’s special computer helper is working on it now.” Even I couldn’t bring myself to call Nelson a SHIT out loud.
    The kid snorted. “That loser couldn’t install a Wii.”
    I thought about it. “Luckily, it’s just a camera setup on a desktop.”
    “Loser.”
    I stared at the kid, and then looked at his father. The dad was engrossed with texting someone. Hadn’t heard a word. I reciprocated by sticking my tongue out at the brat, and stalked away.
    While I usually try to fit in with the Lancaster folk and they’re being so nice and all, there are some things that just irk the Jersey out of me.
    Nelson was right. After what felt like forever, we were back in business. After Sheree’s technical gaff, we figured it was best if Barry did the picture taking, while she worked the line. I got the happy chore of settling the tots on and off Santa’s lap. Another serving of bruised knees, please.
    Eventually the rotten kid’s turn came. He hopped up onto Santa’s lap and immediately pulled his beard.
    “Ow!”
    “Hey, it’s real!”
    “Of course it’s real, you little punk! I’m Santa, dammit!”
    After the