Last of The Summer Wine Read Free

There’s not much to talk about, the rate we go at it. You still do it as if your mother’s watching.
    IVY: It’s you, you’re not thoughtful enough.
    SID: Thoughtful enough? I do far more thinking about it than actually getting it.
    IVY: That’s your fault, you should…( looking to ensure no one’s in ear shot ) You should try and rouse me more.
    SID: Rouse you more? ( Shouting ) You’ve being playing roasting hell with me all day as it is.
    IVY: Will you shut up shouting, that’s all you’re good at, barging in with two feet. It’s the same when you get that look in your eye. I always know when you feel like messing about.
    SID: Messing about, that’s a lovely way of putting it, isn’t it? That puts it on a high spiritual plane doesn’t it?
    IVY: Oh, where do you put it with your smart sophisticated romantic approaches? I get a smack across the backside, a dig with your elbow, one boozy wink and that’s supposed to throw my senses in a whirl.
    SID: Well, it’s a waste of time trying it gentle. Do you remember the last time I decided to give you a squeeze in bed?
    IVY: Will you keep your voice down.
    SID: Not quite, but something very similar.

‘FLOWER POWER CUT’
    Compo, Clegg and Foggy are paying their respects to their old friend Murdock, at the side of his coffin.
    COMPO: ( To Clegg and Foggy ) Just one thing. When I’m dead, will you make sure that nobody as scruffy as me comes to my funeral?
    D ID YOU KNOW?
    Jean Alexander, alias Hilda Ogden in Coronation Street , made her debut in 1988’s Christmas Special, ‘Crums’. Expecting her appearance to be a one-off, she returned the following year and later became a regular.

‘WHOOPS’
    In the café, Foggy has reassured Compo that they’ve got him a Christmas present.
    COMPO: Well, I hope it’s not useful—I hate useful presents!
    ‘M Y WIFE RAN OFF WITH A CHUFFING POLE.’ (C OMPO )
    SID: I only ever get useful presents. I remember one year, our lass gave me thermal underwear. You don’t half know where you stand fascination-wise, when your wife buys you thermal underwear!
    M EMORIES …
    ‘I wanted a social battle for the conflict. With someone like Blamire and Compo, who’d be so far apart they wouldn’t seek each other’s company, you needed Clegg in the middle forming the anchor, bringing the two extremes together. Michael Bates was a lovely man, an ex-Ghurkha officer and right wing, whereas Bill was a socialist from way back. While making the pilot, Michael and Bill got into a political argument during the first night’s dinner. Sparks were flying so Jimmy Gilbert had to whip them out to calm things down.
    ‘It was a different series in the early days, a lot more talking heads, dialogue, and longer scenes. But you learn and some physical stuff went down well, so a lot of visual humour was introduced. It was a slow starter and wasn’t until about the third season that it started picking up a better audience.’
    ROY CLARKE

‘IN THE SERVICE OF HUMANITY’
    After hearing a minor road collision, Foggy goes rushing to the rescue.
    CLEGG: I bet there’s 14 dead.
    COMPO: Hey-up, it were only a shunt.
    CLEGG: What do we need with 14 dead, when we’ve got the Town Council?
    Compo, Clegg and Foggy are in a pub. Foggy is wearing a red-cross tabard as Wally enters.
    WALLY: I thought I might find you in here.
    M EMORIES …
    ‘I was very lucky to get Clegg. When the first script arrived, I liked the comfortable feel of the idea. I hadn’t worked with Bill Owen but had with Michael Bates. It’s my favourite job, with a marvellous author and great directors—what more could you ask for.
    ‘Filming had its worrying moments at times, though. One scene involved me in a canoe—and I can’t swim! Before we did the scene, I was standing on the river bank. The water was moving pretty quickly and there were dark patches. When I enquired about these, I was told that’s where you can’t see the bottom, which made me even more nervous. When the