Vulgar the Viking and the Rock Cake Raiders Read Free

fact. I set the sail and soon arrived on the coast. Their army was vast, but no match for a true Viking warrior like me. I defeated them, all five thousand soldiers. It wasn’t easy, mind you – took me almost an hour – but when the last man was beaten, I looted every single one of their huts.”  

    “Did you pillage them as well?” asked Vulgar, bouncing up and down with excitement.
    “You bet your broadsword I did!” said Olaf proudly. “I looted and pillaged them good and proper, took all their food back to my longship, and set sail for home.”
    “And did you ransack them?”
    “Yes. I looted and pillaged and ransacked all ten thousand of them,” said the king.
    “I thought you said there were five thousand soldiers?” said Knut.
    King Olaf frowned. “Um…”
    “Where was the island?” asked Vulgar, desperate for every last detail.
    King Olaf frowned a bit more. “Er … I … can’t remember.”
    “You must remember!” said Vulgar. “Vikings never forget the places they’ve conquered.”
    “What? I mean, yes, of course.” Olaf rubbed at his beard. “It’s … um … nowhere,” he said. “I, er, set it on fire and it sank into the sea, and, er, no one survived.”
    “You sank a whole island?” gasped Vulgar. “That’s amazing. ”
    “Yes, well … I’m an amazing man,” said the king. “So, anyway, we set sail—”
    “Weren’t all your crew dead?” asked Vulgar.
    “Er, yes, I set sail—”
    “I would’ve eaten the seagulls,” said Knut suddenly. Everyone in the hall turned to look at him.
    “What?” asked King Olaf, looking flustered. “What seagulls?”
    “The ones whose blood you were drinking,” Knut said with a shrug. “I’d have probably just eaten them, instead ofthe bogies.”
    “Or taken it in turns?” suggested Vulgar. “Seagull, bogey, seagull, bogey?”

    Olaf looked from Vulgar to Knut and back again. His mouth was hanging open, but no words came out.
    “Or I’d have waited until a seagull caught a fish, then I’d have eaten that,”said Knut. “Seagulls are quite good at catching fish.”
    “Tell us how you beat the army! Did they all attack you at once or one at a time?” asked Vulgar, who cared more about the fighting than the food. He was getting excited just at the thought of the battle. “Did you chop their knees off? I’d have chopped their knees off, even though my mum says that’s not playing fair.”
    “Vikings don’t play fair,” Knut reminded him.
    “Exactly!” cried Vulgar. He fixed his gaze on King Olaf. “Have you chopped anyone’s knees off? Tell us what it’s like!”
    “Well, yes, I chopped off the, er, sea monster’s knees,” said King Olaf. He looked a lot less confident now, and his face was turning the same shade of red as his beard.
    “But you said you fought him with your bare hands,” said Vulgar, frowning.
    “And you said it was a sea serpent,” said Knut. “They don’t have knees.”
    “What colour was its blood?” asked Vulgar.
    “Er, yes, well, I’d love to tell you,” mumbled the king. “But I’ve just remembered that I have to go … somewhere else. Right now.”
    “But what about History Day?” asked Vulgar.
    “Come back next year,” replied Olaf, waddling towards the front of the hall.

    “Bye for now!” the king called as he squeezed his huge bulk through the doors. For a few minutes, no one moved. Then Harrumpf banged his stick on the floor and bellowed, “Right you lot, no ’angin about in ’ere. The basket-weavin’ workshop is startin’ now.”
    One by one, the children got to their feet and followed him out. None of them were quite sure why King Olaf had gone running off, but they were all agreed on one thing: History Day had been a big let-down.
    Or rather, they were almost all agreed.
    “That. Was. Brilliant! ”cried Vulgar. He hadn’t moved from his spot on the floor. Besides him and Knut, there were only a handful of children left in the hall. “That’s what