In the Rearview Read Free

understand
    How much I hurt inside
    They make me cry
    As they laugh
    Maybe if I talk to them
    They’d try to understand
    The pictures on the wall
    They’re always watching me
    And they’ll never understand

Who Can That Be

    Who can that be
    Staring straight back at me
    Eyes so dull
    And hair quite limp
    She doesn’t look fed
    She looks tired
    And needs to go to bed
    She doesn’t look happy
    But not quite sad
    Emotionless
    Never getting mad
    People say rude and mean things
    She never talks back
    She’s never rude back
    She doesn’t cry
    Although her self esteem
    Is not super high
    Who is this girl
    With no life at all
    She’s living in a world
    That’s no world at all
    To everyone else
    She’s so small
    She doesn’t speak up
    Nor does she respond
    She’s a dull lifeless robot
    And has formed
    With no one
    Any special bonds
    Who is this girl
    Staring back at me
    Who can it be
    Why when I look closer
    I start to realize
    That sad hopeless
    Girl is me
    Staring into a mirror
    Back at pathetic old me

Secrets

    I hide so many things
    Behind my layer of armor
    I use to shield my pain
    My feelings are hidden
    My friends and family don’t even know
    I hope they never do
    I hold so many secrets
    Can never let them go

Getting There

    I’m getting there
    I can tell I’m close
    And all along the way
    I worsen my life
    I hate the way I look and feel
    And everything I do
    On the way to the real thing
    I hate and love what I do
    I’m getting there
    I can tell I’m close
    Depression is not far away

 
    Dear Diary,
    Something is new, but not good new. Not only am I always upset, but now I’ve also been super tired lately.
    Actually I’m constantly exhausted.
    I have no idea what’s going on with me. One bad thing follows another. It’s possible for me to sleep ten hours at night, and when I get home from school, I will feel I can’t get anything done, or even start my homework, before I get in a nap. And my naps aren’t short. They last for hours at a time.
    I will lie on the couch for huge chunks of time, stretch out, taking up all the space just watching TV. After my nap I feel like a lump, a waste of space, with nothing better to do than be lazy. Then dinner is ready, a few more TV shows, and I’m back to bed.
    I sleep more than I ever used to, and yet it never seems to be enough.
    I’m great at being lazy. Right now it might be my hobby, the thing I’m best at. What a talent. Luckily, my homework isn’t suffering. But thankfully, that has always come easily to me. I still get every assignment done when it is due, between naps, and the answers are correct. Maybe that’s why nothing seems off to anyone else. Looking like I care is easy; I know how to do that. But none of it is ever interesting to me either. Yet no one notices how I’ve changed.
    Like I said, I’m not worried about my grades or school at all. I get everything turned in, interesting or not. At least that keeps everyone off my back about all of the sleeping. If I can get an A, then there is nothing wrong with me, right? Apparently.
    I’ve wondered lately, if things get worse, will I still be able to go unnoticed? Maybe I can fly under the radar, no matter how bad things get internally, if I keep the external version of myself socially acceptable. No one wants to be brought down by someone else’s problems, right? At least that’s how it seems.
    Ugh. I’m getting tired again. This exhaustion never goes away.
    Maybe I’ll write more after my nap.

The Real Thing

    How do you define depression
    To some it’s a way of life
    And to others just a thing
    Never to be dealt with
    It can be a person
    The darkness
    Or a figure in the midst ever moving
    Never close enough to conquer
    How do you define the real thing

Sleep

    I can’t get enough
    I always want more
    When my head hits the pillow
    In an instant I’m beyond gone
    Lights