Hiss Me Deadly Read Free Page B

them.
    Natalie dipped dangerously. "Let go! You're heavy."
    "Not half as heavy as Rolf," I said, hanging on. "Head for that classroom!"
    Bobbing and weaving, she flapped for the nearest portable building. We were nearly there.
    I looked over my shoulder.
    Ringo's goon was mere steps behind us. He grinned, flashing more fangs than a werewolf film festival.
    "A couple of sittin' ducks," he chuckled.
    "I'm no duck; I'm a
mockingbird!
" cried Natalie.
    She was coming in a little too low to make the roof.
    "Up, birdie! Up!" I yelled.
    We rose, maybe a foot.
    The wall rushed to meet me like an eager parent after summer camp.
    We weren't going to make it.
    I gritted my teeth.
    Wham!
    I smacked into the wall like a cream pie launched by catapult.
    "
Oogh,
" I groaned.
    Somehow, I held on. Good ol' sticky gecko feet. I wiggled upward.
    The wolverine was jumping at—and just missing—my tail.
    "Come back here, ya maroons!" snarled Rolf.
    "The word is
moron,
" I grunted, "as any moron would know."
    Natalie reached down. Between us, we managed to lift me onto the roof.
    "Nice flying," I said.
    "The flying is fine," said Natalie. "It's the landing you have to watch out for."
    "
Now
you tell me, birdie."

5. Shirley, You Jest
    A teacher finally came and chased off Rolf. Natalie and I climbed back down. On the way to class, we chewed over what we'd learned so far. It made for a very small snack.
    "What do you think about Ringo?" asked Natalie.
    "He acted as innocent as a crook can act," I said, rubbing my sore jaw.
    "But he's got that watch," she said. "And he's a known liar."
    We made our way around a pair of sixth graders—a flying squirrel and a lemming joined at the lips. It gave me the heebie-jeebies. Cootie Central.
    "Truth is, you can't trust a liar," I said.
    Natalie cocked her head. "But if you can't trust a liar to always lie, then he
could
be telling the truth."
    "Huh?"
    "What if he really
didn't
take the pearls?"
    I kneaded my forehead. "All this detecting is making my brains hurt."
    "Or maybe that's just the portable building," said Natalie.
    But a sore head and a jumbled mind weren't the worst in store. When I reached my classroom door, I found myself face-to-face with Shirley Chameleon.
    "Oh, hiii, Chet," she said with a giggle.
    "Shirley." I tried to step around her.
    She blocked me with her tail. "Thanks for taking the heat."
    "What do you mean?"
    Shirley batted her big green googly eyes. "You didn't tell on me—even though Ms. Dwyer punished you."
    "I tried, but she didn't give me half a chance," I said.
    "So...," said Shirley.
    "So?"
    She fiddled with her scarf. "Have you thought anymore about what I asked you?"
    My palms got sweaty. "About the, uh, dance?"
    "Yeeesss," Shirley breathed. "Will you go with me?"
    "Okay," I said.
    "Really?"
    I nodded. "Sure. When chipmunks fly and elephants play the tuba."
    She pouted, and I pushed past her into the classroom.
Sheesh.
What's a guy gotta do to shake these dizzy dames?

    After school, I loitered around Pinky's classroom. It riled me that I was no closer to catching the thief. So I figured I'd get back to basics, maybe search the other kids' desks for my mom's necklace.
    I figured wrong.
    "What are
you
doing here?" asked Miss Flemm.
    "Detecting," I said. "It's what detectives do. Want me to look for your missing tiara?"
    The Chihuahua sniffed. "Do you take me for a total fool?"
    "Well, maybe not a
total—
"
    "Do you think I haven't already turned this classroom inside out?"
    I shook my head. "I don't—"
    The Chihuahua stalked toward me, brandishing a plastic rose. "For all
I
know,
you
could be the thief, returning to the scene of the crime."
    "Me?"
    The last few stragglers in her classroom stopped to stare.
    "Get out," yipped Miss Flemm. "Bug off, before I call Mr. Zero."
    When a teacher goes bonkers, it's best not to argue. I bugged.
    Pinky was waiting by the flagpole, chewing her lip. When I drew near, she jumped up.
    "Well?" said Pinky. "Didja find it?