Here's the Situation Read Free Page A

I’m rocking a deep-V, I’m always certain it will be unimpeachably pleasing to the eye of the beholder by first crunching the math on this time-tested formula:
    Basically if you have two numbers, A and B, it has to be such that:
    (A plus B) divided by A equals A divided by B.
    So if your V-neck is 5 inches deep, make that A. The sleeve of your T-shirt must be 3.09 inches long, because 5 plus 3.09 is 8.09. Divided by 5 is 1.618. That’s the left side of the equation.
    And 5 divided by 3.09 is also 1.618. That’s the right side of the equation. So they match. If your T-shirt meets these criteria when you roll into the club you will literally be a walking work of art.

    Study closely this rare self-portrait from the hand of Il Guido Originale, Leonardo Da Vinci.
    Supplemental (RE: Belt Buckle Detail): Creepers will also benefit from this quick formula for determining the maximum allowable width of your belt buckle:
    circumference of bicep − shoe size = Maximum Allowable Belt Buckle Width (or MABBW, pronounced Mabble-you )
    SITCH AB FACT: My abs are so cut that all my shirts have to be made out of Kevlar. Lesser fabrics are quickly shredded by coming into contact with my abs. (Sitch Fashion Tip: It’s difficult to find military-grade Kevlar in Ed Hardy designs. But not impossible.)

    No matter what T-shirt you select, whether it’s fitted, graphic, sequined, bedazzled, crew-neck, deep-V, wifebeater, or what-have-you, it’s about being proud of who you are. If you want to bust out a deep-V that’s safety-cone orange because you think that’s your color, then wear the hell out of that fruity shirt so everybody in the club knows that nobody owns it like you do. Set the trends, don’t follow them. I wear what makes me feel good because I’m at the tip of the spear—the cutting edge of fashion that’s fresh to death. When I see something I like, I grab it. My only system when I shop for fresh apparel is my own primal reaction to what I see, the moment I see it. When I enter a store, I trust my eye to zero in on what’s mint. That’s the single most effective system I have for knowing when to pull the trigger on a purchase. If I find myself hemming and hawing, that’s a clear indication that the garment in question is not destined to make my rotation. I walk away from the rack because I’ve failed to make a connection to those threads. On the other hand, if I know from the moment I see it that that particular piece is going to make me look awesome, I trust my instinct completely and it comes home with The Sitch.
    Shhhhh . . . Here’s an Exclusive Sitch Fashion Tip
    I f you’re still having difficulty deciding whether or not to purchase a particular garment, there is one sure-fire method left at your disposal. Put the magnetic security tag gently to your ear. If you can hear the faint, distant thumping of bumping club music, buy it.
    Real-Life Situation
    In Spring 2010 I attended Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s Inner Circle fund-raiser in New York City. As I slid on my brand-new outfit for the event, I realized that the staff at the clothing store had forgotten to remove the chunky plastic security tag from the front of my suit jacket. There was no time left before the limo arrived. I had no choice but to show up at the mayor’s party wearing a jacket that looked like it was shoplifted on the way. Luckily, such minor issues leave The Situation unfazed. When I arrived, I simply removed my jacket and shirt, and wore nothing but a simple yet classy white necktie on my rippling bronzed torso.

On Tattoos
    There was a time when every bro had a tribal armband tattoo over his biceps. But now the field of acceptable tattoos has grown to include the following categories:
    Catholic (suitable iconography includes praying hands, rosary beads, and Jesus on the cross—bonus points if Jesus has ripped-up abs).
    Â 
    Brand logos (most commonly Ed Hardy and