Here's the Situation Read Free Page B

Cadillac, but also Red Bull and N.O.-Xplode workout supplement).
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    Familial (family name rendered in tasteful Italian flag motif, Nanna’s chicken piccata recipe, etc.).
    Personally, I’ve never gotten a tattoo because I put so much work into my physique that to cover it up with ink seems like a crime against nature. If someone is going to draw all over me, it’s going to be in frosting, and she’s going to lick it off afterward. But each bro should take his own counsel in this matter.

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    THE GTL REMIX
    N ow that we’ve got your GTL squared away, I’ve got a special treat for you, dawg. Are you ready to step your game up to the next level? Because I’m about to blow your mind.
    What if you were to take your gym, your tanning, your laundry, and then top it off with a complete mastery of personal grooming? You’d have nothing less than the GTL Remix.

Hair and Eyebrows
    As per my haircut, I always get it cut the day of an event, a photo shoot, a hot date, or wherever I need to be looking my freshest. Now, you might not be dressing up for the red carpet at the Grammys, but that doesn’t mean you should be going out to the club with hair that’s not tight. So do it right and get it cut day-of. And get your eyebrows threaded, too. When you’re creeping on a chick, you want her gazing deeply into your haunting eyes, not checking out your bushy brows.
    And don’t be going to Supercuts. You want a barber whose craft is cutting hair. It’s his art. He needs to wake up each morning thinking about cutting hair the same way I’m thinking about hitting the gym—with passion. That’s why I get my hair cut once a week and my eyebrows threaded every two weeks at Justin’s Barber Shop in Manalapan, New Jersey. Justin does me up right. If you’re beyond an hour’s commute from Manalapan (and why would you be, as that would mean you’re precariously far from the Jersey Shore), I strongly recommend finding someone who can tighten up your fade like Justin.

    Caesar Guido Augustus (circa 50 b.c.e.) is credited with history’s first blowout. He had sick abs and was Rome’s fiercest creeper. His personal maxim, creepito ergo smooshum, was later paraphrased by French philosopher René Descartes.
    On Blowouts, Fauxhawks, et al
    T here was a time when every bro on the Jersey Shore wore the distinctive “blowout” cut, with every hair blow-dried skyward, then gelled and sprayed into a perfect flattop. Nowadays this style is something of a throwback, except for in Providence, RI, where it is still de rigueur. I prefer to rock a tight fade on the sides with a bit of style on top. Sometimes I’ll even get lines or shooting stars shaved into the sides. You’re welcome to try advanced styles like this, but be aware that your situation has to be functioning at a high level for you to pull it off. If not, I recommend sticking to the fauxhawk, which is a nice, safe style to roll with until you bring your situation up to the level of The Situation.

    From left to right: a. Blowout. b. Fauxhawk. c. Tight fade. d. Tape-up
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    Scan these styles into your computer and drop in your photo to find the look that’s right for you. Or, if you’re still kicking it old-school, blow them up at Kinko’s, cut a hole, and check yourself out in the mirror.

Shaving
    I always wait until the last possible minute to shave so my face can be its smoothest for the longest possible time. If I’m hitting the club at 11:00 p.m. on a Friday, I’m not shaving Thursday. And I’m not shaving all day Friday, either. No blade is touching my face before 10:50 p.m. on Friday night. When that razor comes up, a fresh-faced Sitch is ready to get down.
    As far as shaving the rest of your body parts, at a minimum you’re going to want to shave your chest and six-pack. If you don’t have a six-pack, you might as well stop reading here because I can’t