prize.
Let’s look at some do-it-yourself methods you can use to clear your mind and get in touch with the life-altering potential of your thoughts to support a relationship or your sexuality:
— Making time for change. This means setting aside quiet times to calmly reflect on your life and examine your thought patterns. It’s about using “mental floss” at least once daily to clear your mind of all the accumulated debris and distractions of commercials, television, magazines, computers, e-mail, social media, and cell phones. By getting away from all of the mental chatter, and disconnecting from the potential negativity of anything that might trigger you emotionally, you can concentrate on whatever positive changes you want to generate for your health or your sex life.
— Affirmations. You can use positive self-talk—words repeated aloud or in your mind—to free yourself from negative thoughts and focus on your goals. Consistency is helpful; you need sufficient repetition over a period of time for the positive effects of affirmations to permeate your consciousness and bring about changes in your brain. Examples of affirmations include: I make choices that benefit me, I excel at reaching my goals, I take care of and nurture myself, I choose radiant health, I focus on the positive , and I achieve my dreams . Examples pertaining more directly to your sexuality include: I fulfill my sexual nature, I’m destined to attain my ultimate sexual satisfaction, My body effortlessly manifests sexual pleasure, I love the expression of my sexual energy, A wonderful, loving relationship happens naturally for me , and I can create whatever degree of love and sexual fulfillment I choose .
If you ever catch yourself having a self-deprecating thought, make a point to assert affirmations that correct it. You can also use affirmations at any other time—for example, while you’re stuck in traffic, or waiting for an appointment. They may be particularly effective when you awaken in the morning, and your mind is like a blank canvas. One of my patients—who’s not only a strong swimmer but also an exceptionally healthy, loving, and kind person—recently turned 90. Her secret? It turns out that for many years, during her morning swims, she has said to herself, in rhythm with each stroke, I’m strong, healthy, loving, kind .
— Meditation. Many meditation techniques that focus on breathing can be calming and clarifying, and help you get in touch with your mind and spirit—and their ability to shape your health and sexuality. For starters, try this simple technique: For a few minutes each day, sit comfortably, close your eyes, and consciously inhale by first expanding your stomach to fill your lower lungs and then expanding your chest to fill your upper lungs. Slowly exhale in the same order, first using your stomach to expel air from your lower lungs, then allowing your chest to expel air from your upper lungs. You can enhance this technique by visualizing that you’re inhaling life-giving, clear white light, and exhaling gray smoke containing any negative thoughts lingering in your body.
— Keeping a journal. Expressing your thoughts in writing is another powerful way of heightening your awareness and focusing your mind and spirit on any changes you want to create for your health and sexuality. The act of physically spelling out your intentions on paper, with its unique reliance on your mind-hand connection, can effectively reroute neural circuits in your brain, redirect your consciousness, and supersede old thoughts. If you keep a journal, it’s a good idea to make entries on a regular basis. As with affirmations, you may find that writing first thing in the morning is especially rewarding.
Sex and Your Self-Esteem
Your self-esteem is of paramount importance in creating a strong intimate relationship and a healthy sex life. Your ability to love yourself is a prerequisite to loving another, and self-esteem affects every