Gertie's Paranormal Plantation: A Paranormal Romantic Comedy Read Free

have a pretty little eventually. My dresser drawer held a sad, rubber reminder that I’d be spending another night alone. And I was out of batteries. Maybe that’s why I picked the weird, ice-blue, strangely shaped toy. It’s highly unlikely I’d ever form an emotional attachment to something that looks like it was made to be a prosthetic penis for an alien. God forbid. I’d be a castaway on LDR Island with my vibrating Wilson.
    My boyfriend, Brad, is a Chicago fireman. We met last summer in a wild fury of instant passion—hot, fiery passion. Literally. My friend Leigh used her witchcraft so I would meet a hot fireman. It should go without saying that getting rescued by a fireman required an actual fire, a fire that I accidentally provided when I burned down a good portion of my friend Lindsey’s house. Brad and I have been in love ever since. In any case, it seems like our love for each other has grown faster than our ability to look to the future. I needed a future.
    We’ve worked it out as best we can. I sometimes used my broom to be in Chicago with him, but only if he was free for the night or weekend and I had someone to take care of my animals.
    Unfortunately, that hadn’t always worked out. Except for last month. We spent nearly the entire month together, the hottest, steamiest December I’ve ever experienced. And now I’m missing him worse than at any time before. This was a new and powerful feeling for me. I’m not even sure that by saying “I missed him” could adequately convey the depth of the emotion, or should I say pain. At times it was nearly unbearable because I felt this longing for him. I swear it felt like part of my heart was missing. I wanted him to be with me, to the point that it physically hurt. I don’t know if that’s a sign of true love. If it isn’t, then I don’t know what is.
    Now I survived on phone calls and phone sex. Phone sex. Those words shouldn’t even be put next to each other. I imagine two phones awkwardly humping away across a desk, keypad beeps accompanying each erotic touch, a dial tone or two when one of them hits just the right spot, and finally the ringer blissfully announcing an orgasm. Hopefully both phones get to ring.
    I checked my calendar. “Yes!” I shouted. I was right. Brad was free until his shift started in a couple of hours and he was planning to call at eight o’clock. The phone rang within minutes.
    “Hi Brad!”
    “Hey, Sunshine. I missed you earlier. I tried calling but you must have been out.”
    “I walked down by the bayou to check on...the wildlife. You’ll never guess what I found on my way back.”
    “What’s that?”
    “A goat. It was following me up the trail all the way to the house. I put it in with the cows for the night. A little strange to find a goat wandering around out here.”
    “A goat? At least it found itself a home. I’m sure you’ll have it spoiled rotten in no time.”
    “So, Brad, what made you so anxious to call me?” I teased. I knew damn well what he’d been missing.
    “You, of course. I’ve missed you. Everything about you.”
    “Uh, you should be more specific.”
    Brad’s voice became deep and soft. “I was imagining myself walking into your room, seeing you sitting on your bed, like you’re probably doing right now.”
    “I like where this is going.”
    “I come up to you and place my hand on your cheek. Feeling your soft skin and gently lifting your chin up. Watching your green eyes sparkle like they do. The only thing I want to do is to lean down and kiss your lips. Softly at first and until they begin to part and our tongues are lightly dancing. I have one hand running through your hair against the back of your neck and my other hand slides around and works the zipper of your dress down your back.”
    I took Brad’s cue and unzipped the back of my dress. “Keep going.” I urged him on.
    “Then I slip the straps of your dress down from your shoulders and my mouth moves to the supple