Gertie's Paranormal Plantation: A Paranormal Romantic Comedy Read Free Page A

skin of your neck. I can feel myself harden with passion as you begin to breathe harder.”
    I slipped the thin straps of my sleeveless sundress off. I could feel the imagined warmth of Brad’s mouth kissing me as my fingers brushed my neck. I breathed hard into the phone. “Yes, don’t…don’t stop.” I panted like a thirsty pup.
    “I can’t hold back. I have to have you. My mouth finds yours once again and I pull your dress down and off of you and kiss your breasts.”
    “Yes, I can hardly hold back either.” I tried to make sense of Brad’s direction. First, he was kissing me…that I got. What was next? Pull the dress down off of me. Wait! “Hold on, Brad. You can’t pull my dress down off of me because I’m still sitting on the bed.”
    “Right. Okay, so I lift you up and take the dress off then I place my hands over your breasts and run my tongue over your nipples.”
    I tried my best to hide my laughter and simultaneously keep up the heavy breathing sounds. “Umm. Okay.” Nipples. Did he say nipples? I stood up and dropped my dress down around my feet in a completely unsexy manner. “You forgot about my bra. Just a second.” I took off my bra and flung it over my shoulders. “All right. Where were we? Take off the dress, put your hands over my nipples? No, wait. Hands on breasts, lick the nipples? It’s physically impossible.” I laughed out loud. “Okay, I’m sorry. Keep going.” Nipples, nipples, nipples. The word cracks me up.
    “Yeah, baby. I tear off your bra and my hands cup your breasts. I love the feel of your hard, firm tits in my hands…your nipples are like…um…like little pink pencil erasers.”
    It was just too much. Every giggle, every snort, and every chuckle that I had choked back finally broke free. I was like a hyena on laughing gas. I would like to point out that when your clothes are dropped down around your ankles, they become some pretty effective leg shackles. I fell with a thump and a single loud “Ooof!” I was sprawled out on the floor, still laughing. “Oh…Brad. Pencil erasers? My hard, firm tits?” I gasped out between chuckles. “You, haha, you make it sound like I’m a, haha, a mannequin some schoolboys put together. And this heavy breathing…God, I sound like I’m having an asthma attack.”
    Brad was laughing with me. “We haven’t even gotten to the good part where I very awkwardly describe what I do with my fingers. Jesus! Imagine if someone listened in on us. But what if I talked like this…” Brad followed up by giving me his best impression of an old sexologist with a German accent. “Now, I insert zee index finger und den I make the motion like da Volkswagen piston. You see how zat verks? Ja, den I curl dat finger up, just like when I call my little schnauzer. Like dis, herkommen, herkommen puppy! See how I do that to tickle up in there? Ooh she likes when I tickle dat schpot like dat.” Brad and I laughed without saying a word for what seemed to be several minutes. “Doesn’t sound too sexy does it?”
    “Brad, I’m afraid this just isn’t working out.” I bit my lip. That didn’t sound right. It almost sounded like I wanted to give up on our relationship! “The sexy stuff, I mean. Oh God, Brad. I sure miss you.”
    “I miss you, too, Gertie. I just want to be with you, but my shift is about to start and—”
    A thunderous crash from downstairs broke up our conversation. There were more sounds, unmistakable ones. “Brad. Someone or something just crashed through a window. I just heard glass shattering.” My voice was serious and hushed. “It’s downstairs.” The noises from the kitchen seemed to be confined to one area. I listened and tried to get an idea of what it could be. When I heard a rapid thunk, thunk, thunk rising up, it was frighteningly clear to me. The intruder was running up the stairs. I curled into a ball on the floor next to the bed. “It’s coming up here!” I barely said the words and a goat vaulted