Free Agent Read Free

in his birthday suit. When he stepped on the scene Tess’ eyes were all over him. Not in a loving way. I think she suspected something. She was scrutinizing him with her fine tooth comb. She was on to him. I recognize that look. I’ve seen it plenty of times from my ex-girlfriends.
    If Uncle Mason could pull this off he would be my hero. He looked like he had his feathers ruffled. He looked like he had just jumped out some fresh pussycat. I wondered if Tess could see it?
    “Hey hon.” Uncle kissed his wife on the cheek as he leaned in and gripped her forearms. “What’s wrong?” He casually asked while pulling away. “I’m working. Why are you here? Why aren’t you with the kids? Is everything okay with the kids because you know it’s really busy around here?”
    Shit Unc, that was a mouthful.
    Tess’ eyes darted over to me then back to her husband. “The kids are fine. I was in the neighborhood and I thought that we could have a late lunch.”
    Uncle Mason took a few steps back. He put a crap load of distance between him and his wife. I pretended to be working by staring at the computer screen that had already turned black. I had my ears wide open and my big mouth shut. This is exciting to watch.
    “I’m not hungry. You should have called first.”
    “I did. I called three times.”
    Uncle’s eye’s arched and it wrinkled his forehead. He was thinking of a lie, or maybe just an excuse for dodging her calls.
    “I didn’t have my cell phone on me. I was in the warehouse, WORKING.” He growled. Shit balls!!! That was rude.
    “Oh I just, ah, ah thought--” Tess stumbled over her words as Uncle’s disposition turned sour just that fast.
    “Don’t think.” Damn! “If I didn’t return your calls don’t interrupt me at work. If my kids are hurt or in danger that’s when you need to call me, not to eat food with you. We do that every night at dinner. Once a day is enough. Do I make myself clear?”
    “Yes, right, I’m sorry.” Her voice trembled. “What time will you be home for dinner?” Tess was close to tears.
    “When I walk through the front door, I will call you and let you know.”
    Shit balls!!! I pretended to keep my face glued to the computer screen. Tess stood static for a minute or two. I thought she might faint. Uncle just glared at her like a tyrant. Tess bolted out the front door before I could get my eyes to follow her out.
    The door seemed to take forever to close behind her. I treat girls on the regular but he talks to his wife like that. My pops would never talk to my moms like that. But my moms might stab him with a butcher knife. My pops knew better.
    “Uncle, Uncle, Uncle, Damn you cold. You didn’t have to do her like that.”
    “Shut the fuck up.” Uncle Mason ran his hands through his hair and then over his face.
    “Why were you so mean to her? She don’t know you’re in here banging your caramel Frappuccino. You must be putting it down at home if Tess is here checking up on you.”
    “I’m not putting shit to Tess.”
    “Damn, you cold blooded.” I grinned. I was trying to school this old dude on the ways of a true pimp. He wasn’t having it. Uncle was pissed. “Uncle you got to keep all the ladies happy.”
    “I couldn’t keep Tess happy with a lifetime supply of X.”
    “It’s like that?”
    “It’s like that. Tess, she’s like an extra cock. She gets in my way.”
    “Well you only need one cock.”
    “I’m not being mean to her. There are things you don’t know and it’s getting more and more difficult for me to look at her.”
    “Divorce her.” I threw out a suggestion without thinking and regretted it right away.
    Uncle chuckled. “You’re so young. I have real responsibilities. I have three kids with that woman. Things aren’t as simple as they seem. If you had kids you would understand but you don’t. You can’t understand.”
    “I don’t have any kids and I don’t want any.”
    “Good for you. But when you do, your love for your