occasionally as seemed appropriate. Eventually, we moved from vitamins to makeup. Despite rumors to the contrary, I do wear makeup. Mostly when my husbandâs ex-wife is going to be around.
âWe also have a product that is very useful at covering up scars,â she told me, looking pointedly at the white scar that slid across my cheek.
I almost said, âWhat scar? Who has a scar?â But I restrained myself. She probably wouldnât get the
Young Frankenstein
reference anyway.
âI donât usually wear makeup,â I told her instead. I had an almost-irresistible need to add âmy husband doesnât want me attracting other menâ or âmy husband says makeup is the work of the devilâ but decided that any woman whose name I couldnât remember probably didnât know me well enough to tell when I was kidding.
âBut, honey,â she said, âwith your coloring, you would be stunning with the right makeup.â And, with that backhanded compliment, she was off and running, again.
Izzyâs mom used ânaturalâ and âherbalâ to mean good. âToxinâ was bad. There was never any particular toxin named, but my house, my food, and, apparently, my makeup were full of toxins.
The world wasnât so clear-cut, I mused as she talked. There were a lot of natural and herbal things that were deadly. Uranium occurred naturally, for instance. White snake root was so toxic that it had killed people who drank the milk from cows who had eaten it. See? My history degree
was
useful, if only as a source of material to entertain myself with while listening to someone deliver a marketing speech.
Izzyâs mother was earnest and believed everything she said, so I didnât argue with her. Why should I upset her view of the world and tell her that sodium and chloride were toxic but very useful when combined into salt? I was pretty sure sheâd only point out how harmful salt was anyway.
She turned another page while I was occupied with coming up with more toxins that were usefulâand I was distracted from my train of thought by the picture on the page. A mint leaf lay on an improbably black and shiny rock in the middle of a clear, running stream with lots of water drops in artistic places. It made me a little thirstyâand thirsty reminded me of drinking. And though I donât drink because of an incident in college, I sure could have used something alcoholic right then.
Come to think of it, alcohol was a toxinâand useful for all sorts of things.
âOh, this is my favorite part,â she said, caressing the dramaticphoto, âessential oils.â The last two words were said in the same tone a dragon might use to say âSpanish doubloon.â
She reached into her bag and pulled out a teal box about the size of a loaf of bread. In metallic embossed letters, âIntrasityâ and âLiving Essentialsâ chased each other around the box in lovely calligraphic script.
She opened the box and released the ghosts of a thousand odors. I sneezed, Joel sneezed. Izzyâs mother said, âGod bless you.â
I smiled. âYes, He does. Thank you.â
âI donât know what I would do without my essential oils,â she told me. âI used to have terrible migraines. Now I just rub a little of our Gaiaâs Blessing on my wrists and temples and âpoof,â no more pain.â She slid out an elegant, clear bottle that held some amber liquid and opened it, holding it toward my nose.
It wasnât that bad. I admit my eyes watered a little from the peppermint oil. Joel sneezed again and gave Izzyâs mother the stink eye. From upstairs came a gagging noise and loud coughing. Ben wasnât here, and I didnât think Zack was the type. Iâd have thought Adam and Darryl would both have been more mature. If I had any doubt that they were teasing me, it would have been dispelled by the way they