Dial M for Mongoose Read Free

the door. "Thanks, but no thanks, Mr. Private Eyeball. Go run along and detect something else, 'kay?"
    "The only thing
he's
got to detect are the answers to his homework problems," said Natalie.
    "Don't remind me, birdie," I said.
    We shuffled off down the hall. But I had a funny feeling that this case was only just getting started.
    Or maybe it was just the aftereffect of the bean-and-beetle burritos I'd had at lunch. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.

    The next day, Ma Gecko hustled me and my deeply annoying little sister, Pinky, off to school well before classes started. Normally I don't do early mornings. But Ma Gecko had a convincing way of
making her case. ("Get your tail in gear or lose it," I believe were her exact words.)
    Sunrise found me stumbling past the flagpole and through the school gates. Pinky peeled off to do whatever it is that first graders do. I made my way to the lunchroom.
    If I played my cards right, the head cafeteria lady, Mrs. Bagoong, might part with a fresh-baked spittlebug muffin or a slice of banana-slug bread. It was worth a shot. After all, the early morning shouldn't be a total waste, right?
    Dew sparkled on the grass like sunshine on a teen's brand-new braces. Out on the playground, the swings hung limp. Only a handful of kids roamed the halls. The school was quiet, peaceful.
    But when I stepped through the cafeteria doors, that peace was shattered like a cut-rate piñata at a fullback's birthday party.
    "You know you did it, and if you had a shred of decency, you'd admit it!" Mrs. Bagoong shouted.
    Fists clenched, she stood toe-to-toe with Maureen DeBree. The hefty iguana towered over the janitor, but Ms. DeBree held her ground.
    "You're one lolo lizard!" she snapped.
    I hotfooted it over to them before fists started flying.
    "Whoa now, ladies," I said. "What's the squawk?"

    Mrs. Bagoong pointed a finger like a salami. "She left the door unlocked."
    "And
she
is dreaming if she thinks I done that," said the janitor.
    "So why the fuss?" I said, pushing between them. "I've left plenty of doors unlocked."
    The queen of the lunchroom swept an arm toward her monster-sized refrigerator, which hung open. "
That's
why the fuss. Someone came in last night and cleaned out most of my veggies. Now what will I serve?"
    "No veggies?" I said. "I thought this was something serious."
    "It
is
serious!" cried Mrs. Bagoong. "Kids will be missing out on my newest recipe: broccoli-and—lima bean pie."
    One look at her scowl told me this wasn't the time to mention that nobody in their right mind would miss it if she never served those two vegetables again.
    "How do you know Ms. DeBree left the place unlocked?" I asked.
    "Because." The lunch lady planted a hand on her hip."I locked the doors when I left yesterday, and she always comes around later for the final check."
    Maureen DeBree stuck her furry muzzle in Mrs. Bagoong's face. "And I told you, when I checked 'em, they was locked."
    I held up my hands. "Hang on. Maybe somebody busted in."
    "I looked," said Mrs. Bagoong."No sign of it. The culprit just waltzed through the door."
    The janitor crossed her arms. "Well, it wasn't
my
fault."
    "We'll just see about that," said the big iguana. "I'm going to tell Principal Zero." She slammed the fridge and stomped out through the open doorway.
    "Oh, yeah?" Ms. DeBree called after her. "Me, too!"
    I caught her arm. "Wait, before you go..."
    "Yeah?"
    "Sure you don't want to change your mind about hiring me?"
    The lean mongoose looked across the room, bit her lip, and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, okay. You're hired, Mr. Private Eyeball. See if you can learn who's tryin' for make me look like one incontinent mongoose."
    "Yes!" I said, breaking into a victory jig.
    Ms. DeBree raised her eyebrows.
    I stopped and slapped on a serious expression. "I mean, uh,
yes,
I'll find out which low-down punk is trying to make you look incompetent. That'll be seventy-five cents for a retainer."
    "That's highway robbery!" said the