Dial M for Mongoose Read Free Page A

janitor.
    "No, that's the cost of justice," I said. "And cheap at twice the price."
    She shook her head and dug into her pouch for the quarters.
    I couldn't suppress my grin. A case at last!
    Oh, foolish detective.

4. Jerry Dooty
    I gave the kitchen a quick once-over, but didn't see anything suspicious.
    Maureen DeBree filled me in as I walked her up to the office. There wasn't much filling to do. She didn't know how the punks had stolen her ammonia, and she hadn't left the cafeteria unlocked. Period.
    But she did pass me a couple of leads.
    I left her at the admin office door. Having seen Mr. Zero in action once or twice before, I wasn't eager to repeat the experience.
    Down the hall I skipped. Her cool coins jingled in my pocket. Then I caught myself—hard-boiled private eyes don't skip.
    I turned my feet toward Ms. DeBree's office and my first interview. Mystery was in the air.
    Halfway down the corridor, the public-address system crackled. Mr. Zero's voice boomed, "Paging Chet Gecko. Your fly is open."
    I started to glance down, then caught myself.
    A familiar cackle echoed off the wall. Those mockingbirds sure can mock.
    "Nice try, Natalie," I said. "But any flies around me would be history."
    She dropped off the roof of the covered walkway and glided to a landing. "Wanna hear my Mr. Ratnose?"
    "Cut the comedy, birdie. We've got a case." I ran down what little I knew about Maureen DeBree's troubles.
    She cocked her head. "Are you sure the two things are connected?"
    "No, I'm not," I said. "That's why they call it investigation—we investigate and find out."
    "Oh, really? If you're so smart, why don't you do your homework more often?"
    "Funny," I said, "that's what Mr. Ratnose says."
    She smoothed her wing feathers. "And what do you tell him?"
    "It's a mystery to me." I led the way to the mongoose's office and rapped on the door. "Mr. Dooty?You in there?"
    After a long pause, the door creaked open. A glum-faced gopher peered out. "Yeah?"
    "You must be Jerry Dooty?" I asked.
    "I suppose I must," he said. "Nobody else wants to be."
    The assistant janitor was a small gray gopher, as unremarkable as an old wad of gum under a desk. His yellow teeth poked out between chubby cheeks like candy corn between two rounds of pudding. If Jerry Dooty were a doormat, his message wouldn't be
Welcome,
but
Go ahead—everyone else does.
    I stuffed my hands in my pockets. "Can we ask you some questions?"
    "Oh, sure," the gopher whined. "Everyone knows my time's not worth anything. I've got nothing better to do."
    He slumped against the doorframe.
    "So," I said, "how long have you worked with Maureen DeBree?"

    The gopher shrugged. "A month, maybe. Seems like forever."
    "Is she pretty easy to work for?" asked Natalie.
    "Just swell." Mr. Dooty crossed his arms. "If you like working, which I don't."
    I scratched my tail. This guy was so depressed, he made Eeyore look like a cockeyed optimist.
    "Has anyone got a grudge against her?" I asked.
    A noise like a hyena choking on a wax banana came from Jerry Dooty's mouth. It might have been a laugh.
    "Maureen?" he said. "Everybody likes her. Some people are all sunshine and unicorns and daisies. Not me, boy. Nobody likes me."
    "I'll trust you on that," I said.
    Natalie cleared her throat. "Moving right along ... Do you have any idea who might have set the stinkbomb or unlocked the cafeteria?"
    The assistant janitor's chin sunk lower. He scratched his nose forlornly. "Me? Nobody tells me anything. I must be the least popular worker at school."
    "No ideas at all?" I asked, slumping. His mood was beginning to affect me.
    The gopher brushed at his drooping whiskers. "Ever think she might have done it herself? You know, accidentally?"
    Natalie cocked her head. "Ms. DeBree, the queen of clean?"
    He shrugged again. "I'm just saying she's been sloppy lately, not herself. But fine, don't believe me. Nobody ever does."
    "Thanks for the tip," I said, with a grimace. "Uh, we've got to get back to