house and MaryAnn and I will be leaving the city on May eighth.”
“Sit down, dear, and have a cup of tea. Then tell me all your news.”
Sarah took one of the small chairs at the little table.
“Tea?” asked Agnes.
“Yes, please.”
“MaryAnn, would you please pour a cup for your mother?”
“I’d be delighted,” answered her little girl, so grown up. Sarah’s heart twisted in her chest. MaryAnn had missed so much being raised without other children. She was so mature for her five years.
“Now, my darling. Tell me where you’ll be headed.”
“I’m hoping we’ll be leaving for the Colorado Territory. A place called Golden City. It’s the territorial capital, so not too small a city, I hope. Perhaps once we are settled and it looks to work, you’ll come out.”
Mrs. Adams nodded. “And what will you do there?”
“I’m getting married.”
“Married!”
“Yes. You might as well know. I signed on to be a mail order bride. The gentleman I’m going to marry is a cattle rancher and has a daughter around MaryAnn’s age. It’ll be good for MaryAnn to have a playmate.”
“That’s awfully far away. Couldn’t you marry someone closer?”
“Agnes, you know that’s not possible. The only one who would have me is cousin William and I find that idea totally unacceptable. He is my cousin, after all.”
“Understandable. But that doesn’t change my wish you could find someone right here in New York. I’ll never understand society’s shunning of you. You shouldn’t have to pay for one mistake for the rest of your life.”
Though she didn’t see her beautiful daughter, conceived in love, as mistake, she simply smiled. “Thank you but you know the only way I could stay here is to marry William or turn to something unsavory. I’m not qualified for anything else.”
“What about a governess?”
“No one wants a woman who has been ‘soiled’ anywhere near their children for fear that my lack of morals will somehow rub off on them.” She took a sip of her tea.
“Mommy, what is ‘soiled’? Doesn’t that mean dirty?”
“Yes, sweetheart, it does.”
“How can you be dirty? You wash all the time.”
“Yes, I do, don’t I?” laughed Sarah.
MaryAnn nodded vigorously. “And you make me do it, too.”
“Anyway, I will write you,” said Sarah, hoping to distract MaryAnn.
“Mommy.”
“Yes, dear?”
“How can you be dirty and clean at the same time?”
I’ve wondered the same thing myself, thought Sarah, but she said, “Time to tell you the truth. Some people think that because I wasn’t married when I had you that I’m soiled.”
“But you said that Daddy died before you could get married. So it’s not your fault.”
“Most grownups wouldn’t agree with you, sweetie. They think your daddy and I were wrong to share our love before we were properly wed.”
“But aren’t we supposed to share our love with other people?”
“Yes, we are. There are just some rules about grownup love that you don’t understand yet.”
MaryAnn slowly shook her head. “I think it must be real hard to be a grownup.”
Surprised by her baby’s insight, she asked, “Why do you think so?”
“‘Cause. You got to ‘member a whole bunch of kid rules and then there’s a whole bunch of grownup rules and you got to ‘member all them, too.”
Sarah chuckled. “I think you have the right of it. What say you, Agnes?”
The old lady wore a smile. “I’d say you are correct, Miss MaryAnn. And it doesn’t get any easier the older you get because there’s a whole other set of rules for us old people.”
“Agnes, would you care to join us for Sunday luncheon? William will be coming with Ms. Kendall and it will be sort of a farewell celebration.”
“That would be lovely. Remind Peters on your way out, would you?”
“Of course. Say goodbye, MaryAnn.”
MaryAnn went to Agnes and gave her a hug. “Goodbye, Mrs. Adams. Thank you for having a tea party with