Attack of the Mutant Underwear Read Free

“Very clever, Cody,” Ms. B said, then announced to the class: “From now on the sharpener will be known as Godzilla.”
    She called me clever, very clever. Teachers have called me lots of things, but never that. Very clever is the same as brainy, in case you didn’t know. Cody-Lee-New-Me-Very-Clever-Brainy Carson!
    Thursday, September 14
    Yikes! I just remembered: the porch paragraph is due tomorrow, and I haven’t even started!
    Later, Thursday, September 14
    Whew! Done! And pretty amazing, if I do say so myself. Although bad porch ideas kept popping into my mind, I thought about those state tests we take—you know, where you have to write a descriptive paragraph—and I described watching the sunset from my front porch. This is it:
    Oh, the sublimity porch, where I sit prismatic and watch the cadaverous birds roost in the punctilious tree! The crepuscular sun shines through the excrutiation leaves, and casts shadows of conniption at my feet! I redolent, and smile! Oh, the sublimity porch!
    Beautiful, huh? That’s how Shakespeare and those other dead guys wrote. I used the thesaurus to find the big fancy descriptive words. Then I checked all the spelling, and punctuation, too. I copied the whole thing over onto Mom’s stationery and put it in one of those binders with the clear plastic on the front. It looks really halcyon. Ms. B will love it. It’s called “A Porch to Remember.” I’m bound to get a New Me ace-brilliant-type-author-guy A.
    Friday, September 15
    Turned in “A Porch to Remember.” I wanted Ms. B to read it right then and there, and tell me how great it is, and that it should be published. But she just said, “Thank you,” and put it in a pile.
    Saturday, September 16
    MC invited a kid from her kindergarten class over to play. He has big ears, and wears a Mariners cap that pushes them out even more. His name is Jordy.
    It rained for the first time in forever. MC and Jordy jumped up and down in the biggest mud puddle in the neighborhood until they were totally covered with brown ooze. (Jordy even had it in his big ears.)
    Sunday, September 17
    I keep thinking that I should have a for-real title for this journal, especially since this will be a priceless exhibit in the Cody Lee Carson Museum of Really Great Literature.
    Titles are important, you know. When you look at a book on the shelf in the library (like the Benton Library, where my mom works), that’s the first thing you see. If the title is interesting, you’ll pick the book up. If it’s not, then you probably won’t. Like if I wrote a book called Book #1, you’d pass right on by. So I have to come up with something good.
    But I still can’t think of a title for this journal. I guess I’ll just call it Put Title Here for now.
    Monday, September 18
    Thought I’d get “A Porch to Remember” back today with a big A at the top, but Ms. B’s not done grading yet.
    I guess she’s been too busy thinking—about field trips. Because today after lunch she said, “If we could go anywhere together as a class, where would you like to go?”
    Tyler said, “The Grand Canyon.”
    I liked that idea. I’ve always wanted to see the Grand Canyon. Ms. B said it was a good idea, but would take too long to get there.
    Libby suggested the beach. “Let’s go out on the ocean looking for whales!”
    â€œWhales are my favorite animals,” Ms. B said, “but I get seasick just washing the dishes.”
    While I was busy trying to figure out if Ms. B was joking, Amy said that since we’ll be studying ecosystems a lot in science this year, maybe it would help us to understand them better if we camped out in the middle of one.
    Everybody liked that idea, including Ms. B. All the kids wanted to leave tomorrow, but Ms. B said that a trip like that takes lots of planning and money. “We’ll need to work really hard to