Addison Addley and the Things That Aren't There Read Free

out of tune. It sure beat listening to the sound of her crying.
    The astronomy board needed to find out about Mom’s talents. She knew how to change the oil in the car. She was good at hammering nails and flipping over cards with one finger, but I doubted those skills would help. She could wake up at the same time every morning without even using an alarm clock, but that was no good because the club met at night.
    She was a real genius at math. She could add up the number of times I didn’t do my homework last year without even using a calculator. Let me tell you, that’s a lot of adding. She could also multiply anything by 365and come up with the right answer. That’s how she figured out how many times last year she had to remind me to shut the door and wipe my shoes. It was three or four times a day times 365.
    Yep, I’d figure out something. Busy as I was, I’d find a way to get Mom elected. Some people just can’t do things without my help, even if they won’t admit it. Anyway, finding a sneaky way to turn the tables in Mom’s favor was a whole lot more interesting than writing a speech. That could be Sam’s job.
    Sam was smack in the middle of a good thought when we rounded the corner of Pine Street and ran right into the Lamp. I don’t mean the streetlight. I mean Tiffany Wilson, the Lamp for short. That’s what my great-aunt’s old kitchen lamp is called. A Tiffany lamp. It’s got a huge, colorful glass shade on it that looks too big for the bulb. Mom says it’s really old and valuable. It just plain looks too big to me. Tiffany is the meanest girl in grade five. Heck, I take that back. Tiffany is the meanest girl in the school. Whoever said that girls can’t be as mean as guys sure didn’t know Tiffany.
    â€œWell, if it isn’t Sam the geek and his stupid friend Add, or is it Odd?” the Lamp sneered as she and her friends strutted toward us.
    Now I don’t mind being called stupid, but I hate being called Add by people like her. It’s okay for Sam to call me that. That’s best friend sort of stuff.
    She stepped closer. Tiffany wasn’t really fat. She just had this dumb way of puffing her shoulders out and prancing like a peacock to make herself look important. The only thing she looked was weird. Her hair was frizzy and so big that it looked like she was wearing a lampshade. A Tiffany lampshade.
    â€œShut up, Tiffany,” I said. “Go back where you came from.”
    â€œHi, Tiffany,” Sam said, pushing his glasses up his sweaty nose. “Add and I were just discussing our speech topics, our topics, our speeches.”
    NO!! I screamed silently to Sam. Don’t tell her! I don’t know why Sam always tries to be nice to mean people like the Lamp. The nicer he is to her, the meaner she’ll be to him because she knows she can get away with it. He just doesn’t get it.
    â€œOh, I can’t wait to hear this one,” Tiffany purred. “Let me guess—’The Stupider Side of Stupid.’ Am I close? Or is it ‘The Dumber Side of Dumb’?”
    Close enough for me to shove you into that puddle, I thought. Sam could read my mind. “Be careful,” hewhispered. “Her mother is the president of the astronomy club. You want your mom to get on the board, right?”
    I groaned. Not only was the astronomy club weird, but it had annoying people running it. I knew Tiffany’s mother, and she was just as annoying as Tiffany. That would definitely make my job a lot harder. I’d have to have a word with Mom so she could straighten out her priorities. You’ve gotta look at the big picture. Why would you want to join a club where you’d be around such annoying people? A nice harmless club would be better. Take the knitting club, for example. Sam’s grandmother ran that one. You couldn’t get any more harmless than her.
    Sam stepped toward Tiffany. “Things