Zombies and Chainsaws (Book 2): Dark Roads Read Free

life.”
    Jude said, “Yeah, thanks for the parenting tip. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have to deal with taking a child with you every single day to the job site.” Jude turned around, staring at Chuck until he realized exactly what Jude was getting at.
    Chuck pushed out of the van, shaking his head. “I tell ya, you are all going to feel just absolutely horrible, the minute — the minute, I say — that you lose me. I'm a hot commodity. I know how to kill these things. I bet ya most people are still trying to shoot them, wasting all those damn bullets. I think everyone needs to go to the Stihl Factory and just get loaded up with an extra can of gas and a freshly sharpened saw off of the assembly line. We could kick ass across America if everyone was armed.”
    Leslie said, “If one of those saws was available for me, I’d happily trade it for my axe, although I won’t complain that the axes don’t run out of gas. I’m no weak-ass, but I can only imagine how many times I'm going to be able to swing this before I can’t lift my arms any longer.”
    The four of them dug out the axes, chainsaws, machetes, and gas cans before closing up the van tight. Chuck said, “Leave it to us to be in the middle of nowhere without gas. I think we might have to put Joann back on driving duty, Jude.”
    Jude, without thinking, said, “Really? Because if I remember correctly, she was the one who rolled and flipped and did a whole bunch of other damage to their original van.”
    “Right," Joann said, "because as I remember, these three insane men were walking up the wrong side of the highway looking like a fucking death squad.”
    Jude and Chuck both thought of how they'd probably looked after having to take out Pete. They stared at each other and silently agreed that yes, they most definitely had looked prettier...much, much prettier.
    "All the time we're spending talking here could be better used by putting our feet on the ground one after another," Jude said. "More importantly, we could be getting away from those things before they decide we look tasty.”
    Chuck said, “Yeah, getting their attention probably isn’t a problem. I’d say they more than saw the big ass van coming to a stop. I can’t imagine those squeaky piece of shit brakes did anything to make us less noticeable.”
    Leslie and Joann started to walk, leaving the two boys behind. Chuck and Jude watched the women, looking like twins with their axes and ponytails swinging from side to side. Chuck leaned over, because he was Chuck and could not by any means help himself. “Dude, if it wasn’t for this entire being eaten thing, wouldn’t that kind of be hot; them all dirty and walking with axes into the sun?”
    “Chuck, you do realize that what you are referring to as dirt is actually dried blood? They're more than likely caked with hair, brains, bits of bone, and then just natural sweat pouring from their bodies. This is most definitely not hot, Chuck.”
    Chuck said, “Yeah, but if they were clean, and they weren’t covered in blood, and we didn’t have the whole zombie thing going on, then we’d probably think that was really hot, right?”
    “Yeah, Chuck, whatever you say, buddy.”
    “So you think I got a chance with Leslie?”
    “Well, on the bright side of all the death going on, there is at least one thing you have going for you.”
    “What’s that?”
    “Well, the way I figure, you've got less and less competition as time progresses. I mean, at some point, you aren’t going to have nearly any competition, and that mixed with you meeting the right gal who's running short on morals is going to be your golden ticket, Chuck.”
    “You know what? I’m not stupid, and I know you're teasing me, but guess what? I don’t care. I’m more than happy to take a rebound-on-the-zombie-apocalypse chick. Because, in the end, it means I'm not alone and I’m going to score. So your long short answer was simply yes, you think I've got a