White Goods Read Free

other
attractions too: a police station, a fire station and lots of
scenes from books or nursery rhymes. Auntie Stella took lots of
pictures of me stood next to things in my brown parka
coat.
    Auntie Stella had brought a guest along
for the day: Gary Perkins.
    Uncle Gary, she
insisted we called him, something we all squirmed about, including
him. Everyone knew Gary from home – he worked with Dad and Justin’s
dad at Dontask. Calling him Uncle was weird for a
number of reasons; not only were we not related, but he was also
only a few years older than Ian.
    (‘Old enough to be his mother,’ Mum had muttered, referring to Auntie Stella, but when
I did the maths it didn’t quite work out.)
    ‘ Look who was passing?’
Auntie Stella cheerily announced, like it was all a
coincidence.
    ‘ Your meal ticket’s here, Stel,’ Dad had joked, when he
arrived, but he soon stopped making jibes when Uncle Gary
offered to pay for our entry into Lilliput Land. ‘Well, if you
insist…’
    ‘ Won’t you be hot in that coat?’ Uncle Gary had
said, referring to me and my brown anorak. ‘Sun’s out and
that.’
    Auntie Stella pulled his arm and
whispered something, which caused him to say ‘Ok, alright,’ and
look at me with a frown. ‘Shouldn’t they get him a bigger one,
though?’ I heard him say later, when I wasn’t supposed to hear at
all.
    The Battle of the Brown Anorak had
begun when I was nine. It was still quite big then.
    ‘ A bigger size will last longer,’ Mum had insisted, in the
shop. The thing had swamped me and we’d had to roll the sleeves up
till they were thick like polo necks. You could just about see my
fingers then. But Mum had seen it in the window of Millets , reduced in the sale and that was the overriding
appeal factor. ‘Just what we were looking for,’ she’d said,
continuing to ignore the fact it didn’t fit. ‘We’ll have
it.’
    When I reached ten it fitted perfectly,
but a growth spurt six months later changed things dramatically in
the other direction. But I wasn’t giving it up by then. I liked the
smell. And it kept me safe, made me feel safe inside.
    I
knew exactly what Auntie Stella had whispered to Uncle Gary. Knew every word. He. Wears. It. Everywhere. That’s
what she’d said. It wasn’t true. Didn’t wear it in the bath, or in
bed. And I let Mum wash it too, despite what Della claimed. But if
I was outside, I wore it. Like I said, it kept me safe.
    ‘ We could look for a new one!’ Mum chirped, picking up
on Uncle Gary’s comments. ‘Find one in a camping shop. Or
there’s that big store that sells everything. We could get one
there.’
    I said nothing and answered only in my
head. No. Fucking. Way. That’s what I’d have said, if I’d opened my
mouth. If I’d been brave enough, too, that is.
    After going round the miniature village, we went to a pub
for lunch. Us kids had coke in a bottle with a straw. Dad
and Uncle Gary had beers, whilst Mum and Auntie Stella had
Babycham in special glasses with the Babycham deer on the side. We
all had ham sandwiches, but I didn’t eat mine, because they had
mustard in them. So, I just had my salt and vinegar crisps and was
told that, for-being-fussy, I
couldn’t have an ice cream later. Auntie Stella said that Uncle Gary would get me one, though, when Dad wasn’t
looking. If-I-was-good.
    After lunch, we
returned to our cars and headed back to the camp site.
    With Uncle Gary joining us, we now had three
cars in total. He owned a Ford Cortina – mustard yellow it
was. ‘Gold,’ he insisted. It had brown leather
seats that had burned my skin the previous times I’d ridden in
it.
    Auntie Stella had a black Mini, something that made her
giggle like Barbara Windsor again whenever she said it. ‘Where
shall I park my black Mini?’ was her favourite. It made Mum glare
and tut and Dad had to take-that-smirk-off-your-face-as-well. I said I didn’t get it.
    ‘ You never do,’ Della
remarked.
    The third car was a big green van